


Enough In Every Way

by Morrilla



Category: Morrilla - Fandom
Genre: ABC, Angst, Emelie de Ravin, Emotional, Evil Regals - Freeform, F/F, Feels, Fluff, Gay, Henry - Freeform, Homo, JMO, Jen - Freeform, Jennifer Morrison - Freeform, Josh - Freeform, LGBT, LGBTQ, Lana Parrilla - Freeform, Lesbian, Love, Love Story, Morrilla, OUAT - Freeform, Once Upon A Time, Oncers - Freeform, Series, Smut, Snow White - Freeform, Swan Queen - Freeform, TV Show, Teasing, Thougts, deep, fred - Freeform, ginny - Freeform, lp, morilla - Freeform, show, swanqueen - Freeform, ugly ducklings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-09-13 00:44:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 38,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9098029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morrilla/pseuds/Morrilla
Summary: "But what was this? This adoration for this woman. The impact she has on her. Is it just a friendly connection that has grown stronger over these years on the show, or is this something more?Because if this is love, love is not what she thought it was.This feels like a comforting obsession, a forbidden need. She doesn’t want it, yet she’s nothing but a slave to it and her body nor mind obeys to stay the least bit sane when it comes to this being. It’s like she is literally cursed, with the most powerful magic of all, and she’s not allowed to be."A slow burn Morrilla fan fiction.





	1. To Be Forever Consumed

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fan fiction, which means that all of what's written here is imaginary. I mean no harm to any of the mentioned people in the story, this is all fiction. So with that said, I hope no one will feel offended by this work. It's just a snack for the Morrilla fans out there! :)  
> Thanks, and Enjoy!

Chapter 1

 

"Really?! Has Jen heard about this??"  
The brunette is smirking, almost devilishly. She knows that her shy, blonde coworker undoubtedly will blush her cheeks off to this unexpected news.  
  
"No, we couldn't reach her on her phone this morning but we're working on it."  
Adam inform at Lana and chuckles at her childish reaction as he's collecting small notes from his desk where all the writing usually takes place.  
  
"Can I _please_ tell her?!" The actress jumps in her spot. She really thinks this is hilarious.  
  
"Tell her what?" He puts all the papers, scripts, and maps into a big, black case where he always keeps his work.  
  
"That we will have to make out on set!" She wears a ridiculously wide grin, slightly sticking her tongue out between her perfectly white teeth, like a real tease.  
The author laughs aloud, he isn't even surprised. They have known each other for about five years now and he has gotten used to her silly sense of humor a long time ago.  
  
"Sure. Saves me some work!" He smiles and puts his collection of paperwork under his arm before he grabs his half-empty paper cup of coffee in his other hand. He takes a deep breath before turning his gaze towards a still ridiculously pleased face.  
"Oh well, that's it for the day. We will begin tomorrow at around eleven o clock. No need to tell you to make sure to be there, I know you're always on time.”  
He gives a thumbs up and nod of confirmation as he walks past her and out from the office, the Latina following right behind.

 

* * *

  
After they've said their goodbyes, each one of them heading home, the brunette picks up her phone to call her clueless friend. It takes a few attempts before someone's picking up the other line.  
"Lana?"  
They never talk over phone, no wonder she sounds so surprised, almost worried as if something must have happened.  
  
"Heeey girl! Is everything alright?"  
She already sounds too excited. Good thing the woman on the other end can't see the smirk creeping up on her excited work partner.  
  
"Uh... I guess? Yeah. What's going on?"  
  
Lana enjoys the sound of confusion in her voice, it makes her feel mystical, secretive, maybe even special, for knowing something she doesn’t. The blonde can’t see, but she can hear the brunette bite her lip as she uses her husky voice in the most sensual and teasing way as she speaks the next sentence,  
”They’re making SwanQueen happen.”  
It’s quiet for a mere second until she can’t contain herself any longer and bursts out in a fit of throaty laughter.  
  
Jennifer is uncertain of what to answer at first, it takes an awkward, quiet minute before words come out of her already open mouth.  
”Really?? Haha well that’s… Quite something.” She laughs insecurely, a little taken aback by the information.  
  
Even though she would want to genuinely laugh, because after all it’s kind of ironic, she’s too shy to do that, especially on the phone with her very self conscious colleague, who calls for the very first time ever due to pretty odd reasons.  
  
”Isn’t it?!” She laughs before she finally realizes she might be fooling around a bit too much for her friend’s liking, ”Anyhow… Adam tried to contact you earlier and tell you, but you were busy obviously, so I took the freedom to tell you myself, _mi amore_.”  
Another melodic, deep chuckle escapes her,  
"We start at eleven tomorrow, see you there?”  
  
The woman on the phone lets out a forced giggle before she answers.  
”Yeah… Yeah I’ll be there. See ya!”  
  
When Lana hangs up, she’s by the entrance of her trailer. The door is locked, and just as she digs a hand down her purse to search for her keys, there’s someone running towards the other side of the door, barking loudly.  
The brunette smiles, that obedient, patient dog of hers is always there to warm her heart and bed when she comes back from work late at night. When she finally has untangled the keychain from the rest of her purse’s content, she unlocks the door and is met by a shaggy, brown, very happy companion who wiggles her tail as if it is a matter of life or death.  
  
”Heeeey my beautiful girl! Heey Lola, you’ve been SO good, yeah!! I know, mommy's been away for too long now! I’m sorry...” She places a kiss on top of the pups nose bridge, before getting up from her knees she had just fallen down to. It was getting really late and the exhausted actress would have to get up in only a few hours to make herself ready for the next day of intense shooting for the show.  
  
”Hey, baby, come here!!” She gestures with her hand to the empty spot next to her on the bed as she has changed to pajamas and the excited pup comes running before jumping up to make herself comfortable and give her owner company for the night. The light goes out, and both silence and darkness fills the trailer.

 

* * *

 

  
The golden curls are everywhere. Everywhere on her head, and everywhere in her hairbrush. Annoyed and tired, she rips the dead, tangled hair straws from the brush and throws it in the trash before once again trying to get her hair in order. She’s late.  
Really late, and she promised the crew she would be there on time. Cursing the curling iron as she trips over it while looking for her mascara hiding somewhere in her make up bag, she runs to the other side of the bathroom only to find it really hard to open.  
  
”… Shit!”  
She drops the slender brush full of black paint to the floor where it leaves ugly marks that she has no time or intention to clean up right now. She picks it up quickly and finishes what she has started before throwing a pair of jeans on to a white tank top to complete her Emma Swan look and heads out of her trailer.  
She’s gotten too used to driving the yellow bug on set, that she has nearly forgotten how to drive her own car, and it’s absolutely not reducing the stress that has only grown on her since she has gotten out on the road. She’s as much as ten minutes late. How could she not wake up when the alarm rang for the first time this morning? This is a joke.  
  
It’s not a long drive and as she arrives they fortunately haven’t started yet. Colin, Lana and Robert aren’t done in make up and hair so there’s plenty of time to go and grab her red leather jacket. This is the most comfortable yet boring part of playing Emma Swan, the preparation. She needs no transformation in the make up and hair trailer, nor the costume trailer, everything can be easily fixed at home. Well, except for that leather jacket. Right, the leather jacket.  
Awoken from her daydreams, Jen takes plenty of time to go through their enormous closet to find her garment, after all there's no need to hurry.  
  
”There you are!”  
The blonde spins around in surprise, not focused enough to hear who’s voice it is that appears from behind. Nor is it needed, because the formally dressed Latina makes quite an appearance as she approaches with loudly clicking heels.  
”Oh, Lana..! You kinda scared me…”  
The blonde offers a cheesy smile while picking her recently found jacket down from the rack in front of her.  
  
”We thought you had slid off the road or something.”  
The brunette walks up closer to her to be able to have a conversation without yelling across the room. She’s wearing black pantyhose beneath a red dress, covered by a black jacket and boots with heels that would destroy Jen’s feet after just a one minute walk. Good for her she doesn’t have to wear them.  
”I’m sorry, I overslept… Then smeared my floor with mascara and-”  
  
Lana lets out a rich throaty laugh interrupting her mid sentence,  
”It’s alright dear, everyone is keeping a slow pace today. We’re not shooting as much as we did yesterday.”  
She puts a soothing hand on her colleague’s arm, squeezing it gently.  
”See you out there when you’re ready.”  
  
Hazel orbs turns its warm gaze away from emerald as the sound of those high, delicate heels begins to fade. When the room regains its familiar silence she throws on her scarlet jacket and puts her hair up into a rather high ponytail before leaving the trailer to head to the building they’re partly recording in today.

* * *

  
  
"And ACTION!”  
  
  
**”You will NOT tear this family apart!!”** ****  
**Emma Swan yells, sword in hand, feet glued to the ground.** ****  
**The figure under the hood rushing towards her, almost hovering. Before she knows it, its sword is up in the air, ready to slice the savior into pieces with a single hit. Emma is quick though. The two swords smash together with a loud cling, and keeps doing just that continuously from all possible angles, until the dreaded happens. Her sword falls to the ground, her hand is uncontrollable. It's shaking tremendously and she knows there's no way stopping this now. She knows that this is it. This is the end. She looks up when she notices how a shadow suddenly covers her vision.** ****  
****  
**There is an ear splitting sound, and then there's unbearable pain. Pain enough for her hand to give up its trembling. Pain enough to make her knees weak and bend. Pain enough to scream;** ****  
****  
**"REGINA?!”** ****  
****  
**The hooded creature disappears in an instant after its mission is completed.** ****  
**The shocked brunette falls backwards into the arms of the savior who's already kneeling on the cold concrete ground. Her hands are pressed against the center of her stomach, and deep red liquid is trickling out among her slender fingers trying to keep it from spilling. Her breath is quick and shallow, her eyes fluttering and her mind trying to become at peace since she knows she has done the right thing. She had this all planned out. She aways knew she had to do this, ever since the savior had told her about the vision, she knew. She did this on purpose, without doubting, because if she hadn't, Emma would've been gone now.** ****  
****  
**"I told you I will save you.. if it is the last thing I do…”** ****  
**Regina’s words are just a weak whisper.** ****  
****  
**She's aching. Her whole body is aching in pain as the deep wound just keeps leaking, yet it's nothing compared to the other woman's heart. Regina's mind is fuzzy, Emma's is thinking everything possible at once. The brunette's vision is blurry, The blonde's eyes are as wide and focused on her. The Mayor's breathing slows, the sheriff is breathing louder for every second that gives her the unacceptable promise that Regina won't make it. The older woman goes limp, the younger tense.** ****  
**Mocha orbs shut, emerald waters.** ****  
**The queen dies.** ****  
**The savior too.** ****  
****  
**Because she’s no longer a savior. She is no longer the savior because she has failed to fulfill the role that was assigned to her before birth. She’s no longer a savior because she can't even save someone she had always promised to save. She’s no longer a savior if she let the love of her life die. She is no longer a savior if she couldn’t be just that for Regina.** ****  
****  
**The family around the two of them aches just as much, as the echoing screams of their wrecked daughter, mother, girlfriend, are like needles in their hearts whether they cared as much about Regina or not.**  
  
Everything usually happens so fast on set. She is not used to having the time to think while they're filming, just act, and they say it actually usually turns out better that way. It doesn't get too personal and heavy for the actor and they don't need hours to recover for the next scene.  
But this minute alone, out of this entire day of shooting, she feels, and she is aware, every single millisecond of it.  
The warmth that quickly increase between their faces as she closes the distance between them until is nonexistent and replaced by the feeling of the soft, plump destination her lips fell towards and eventually crashed onto. The lipstick adorning the other woman’s lips that contagiously makes distinct marks all over her own and the incredible heat growing towards her face as the blood rushes to her head all at once. The wet, warm tongue that shouldn’t, but is, slightly, barely dancing with hers and sends massive shivers down her spine before the producers yell ’cut’ to the sound of their lips carefully leaving each other,  
it all echoes in her head.  
It was just a second, yet so much more.  
  
Jen gets up rather quickly. Both actresses with a look on their faces like nothing just happened. Except for Jen’s evident color on her face of course, although it could be taken for intense blood pressure to her head considering the position they had been lying in for quite a while on the concrete floor. Not to mention the intense crying scene she had to perform.  
  
”Stay down Jen! We have to make the scene where Regina wakes up from the True love's kiss!”  
  
Jen spins around, a little confused before she realizes that what they’re saying makes sense.  
”Oh…” She mumbles as her gaze switches between the cameras, producers and her coworker on the floor, who's looking up at her with a encouraging smile before she shuts her eyes closed again. The younger actress slowly kneels down besides her just like she had done before she had gotten up on her feet in her sudden panic.  
  
”Okay, we want the scene where Regina wakes up right after the kiss, so if you could just stay really close to each other... We will shoot from above, which means we won’t be able to see the kiss from this angle anyway.”  
  
She leans over the brunette once again. Her eyes are closed. Her hair falls back behind her and lies perfectly beneath her on the ground. Lips slightly parted as if to look as dead as possible. The crimson lipstick is a little smudged from the previous scene.  
She wonders how long she can regard her features before she notices.  
  
”Aaand… ACTION!”  
  
Just as the camera starts to roll, eyes flutters open.  
  
**Regina gasps, trying to fill her lunges with more air than they can contain, as she’s brought back to life. She grabs onto the arms of the woman leaning over her and with the powers she just got, she cries out her savior's name;** ****  
**”Emma..!”** ****  
**Her eyes are watery, her voice trembling.** ****  
**Emma is frozen,**  
  
...but she’s not supposed to be.  
Jen’s eyes are set on Lana’s, intensively enough to drown in them. A director is waving in the background to remind the blonde actress of what her next move would be, in case she has forgotten. But she hasn’t. And she realize it too late.  
Her eyes flutter open and her mouth, that had been slightly open, clamps together with clenching teeth as she rapidly gets up from her spot.  
  
”… I’m sorry! God.. I’m sorry I… I forgot my line.”  
She whitewash and she begins to feel how the blood climbs towards her face, her cheeks and forehead soon burns into a reddish blush. She tries her best to hide it, putting her hands up to cover most of it. God, this is embarrassing…  
  
”No worries Jennifer, it happens to the best of us!” The director laughs.  
Lana laughs with him. That throaty, rich and deep kind of laugh that makes it unique. It’s charming. Everyone in the crew thinks so. Except for those who think it’s a turn on, although everyone certainly believe so in secret. It makes Jen feel better right now though, it means no one noticed the uncomfortable tension that arose she she got consumed by her thoughts.  
  
”Let’s do it again!” The producer yells and gestures towards Jen to lie down one more time. This is getting weird. For every time she lies down on the Latina, she feels the tension growing in every muscle she has in her body.  
  
”And… Action!”  
  
***With watery eyes, Regina cries out ’her’ saviors name;** ****  
**”Emma..!”** ****  
**The younger woman smiles, grabs a hand of hers as she gets up on her feet and pulls her love up from the freezing concrete. When they’re both standing, facing each other, breaths shallow but distinct, she takes her other hand as well and holds them tight.** ****  
**”You saved me, now I saved you.”** ****  
**Regina smiles, squeezing their hands together even tighter before she leans in dangerously close.** ****  
**”I love you.”** ****  
**Emma can feel the words in puffs of air on her lips, and it makes the corner of her mouth curl upwards until she’s wearing full-blown smile.** ****  
**”I love you too, Regina.”** ****  
**The brunette leans in to once again, though this time wide awake, capture the blonde’s lips with her own, although this time, hands are being put against cheeks, slightly pushed into golden locks. Palms embracing as much skin as they can against cheeks, neck and jawline as lips are parting and the kiss deepening.** ****

She should not let her mind wander this far, but; she is a good kisser. A really, good, kisser.  
  
Pale fingers are wrapped around the brunette’s waist, holding onto the fabric tighter for every time the kiss gets a tiny more passionate. Eventually it looks like she’s holding onto the Mayor for dear life.  
  
”Okay CUT! ...That’s a wrap everybody.”  
  
People are applauding. They usually do that in the end of the day or after a great shoot. Lana let’s go of her colleague with a huge smile and chuckles as she spots the blush evident on the other actress's cheeks.  
  
”That was fun!! I could totally do that again.” She laughs, everyone laughs, except for Jen.  
She just smiles, and she doesn’t even notice it herself.


	2. Nameless Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here comes a slightly shorter chapter just to let you know I will continue with this fic, and that I will try to post one chapter every week. I hope you'll follow this story! Thanks for all of your support so far, every comment warms my little writer heart! xx

Chapter 2.

 

Was all of this just acting? Was this just a part of the show? Was this literally written in the manuscript?  
The questions just kept rolling in from every direction possible as Jen leaves the shoot, heading for her second home, her trailer.  
It just didn't feel like that. It didn't feel like she was kissing Regina. It felt like she was kissing Lana. Which she technically was, but it was something more than just a directed movie scene. She wasn't acting. Perhaps Lana was, of course Lana was, but she wasn't.  
Maybe it was due to the lack of concentration. She did have a hard time focusing, not only at the production, but the whole day and that was probably the reason it had felt so different. Her mind had just trailed off and forgotten about all her role's characteristics. She had let herself forget how to be Emma for a moment. But things like that happen, all the time in fact, and shouldn't be something to worry about.  
  
She's back home and has curled up into her comfortable sofa, with her white, sleepy, little dog Ava. The TV is on but there's not a thing to watch, except from a few cooking shows or Top Model and she wouldn't even watch those if she got paid.  
She has already been home for about four hours, which is way more than it feels like and the only thing she has accomplished is infinitely zapping channels until letting one of those cooking shows run nonetheless, whilst checking social media every now and then.  
Suddenly there's a knock on the door. She's not expecting any visitors, but strangers don't usually knock out here among the production trailers, so she figures it must be someone from the crew.  
She opens, carefully, and peeks out to see who has decided to come over this late.  
  
It's, oh so gorgeous, Lana Parrilla standing outside her trailer. She's dressed in a classy long, black dress, hair and make up on point, and her energetic dog on a leash.  
Jen isn't saying anything, but it is obvious to Lana that she feels like a huge, dumb question mark right now.  
  
"Hi, I'm so sorry if I bother you... I know it's late, I've been out to dinner with Fred, therefore the unnecessarily fancy clothes." An eyeroll pauses her gaze on the blonde for a moment before they're locking again and she smiles.  
"I was just thinking, since I do pass you on the way to my trailer, I would make sure you're okay." Her dark, worried eyes are immediately killing Jen's conscience.  
  
"Oh! Uh... I'm totally fine but, come in!"  
She quickly steps away from the entrance, making space for the brunette to be able to pass and enter. She notices how her colleague is about to tie the leash onto the handle on the outside of the door, so she's quick to make an offer,

  
"Bring Lola inside too! Ava doesn't mind, she's to tired to care." Followed by brief eye contact, Lana tilts her head sightly in a thankful manner, giving her a gentle smile.  
  
"Lola! Come here girl!"  
It takes just a second before the dog is inside the crib too. She unleashes her companion, who curiously disappears towards own adventures through the small hallway. Just as she's about to get back on her feet from her kneeling position, her wallet falls out of her purse and lands wide open on the floor in front of them both. Before Jen even has time to react, the brunette picks it up quickly, almost like she was sorry for dropping it. Or was she scared of something?  
Chocolate eyes travel faster than lightning from the wallet to forest green ones in front of her. A brief smile comes upon her face like nothing really happened as she's met by a confused expression from the other woman. Her hands loosely tied together in front of her, feet carefully approaches the younger woman.  
”So… You okay?”  
  
Perhaps it might seem like Jen is wearing the body language of discomfort right now, but she really isn’t uncomfortable. She’s just not used to someone asking her questions like this. It’s like her brain constantly wants to tell her that this woman wants something from her, but at the same time she knows for sure that that’s not the case.  
”… Yeah! Yeah I’m great, thank.. you.  
  
”You… Were a bit tense earlier on set, and since I’m a big part of it I just want to be sure there isn’t anything we're doing together that is making you uncomfortable..?”  
The Latina continues, genuinely wanting to make things right, if they feel wrong for the blonde that is.  
Jen gets a bit taken aback by her words, the last thing she wants is to make it look like she’s uncomfortable, especially when it’s in fact quite the opposite.  
  
”No! No, god no..!! I’m-”  
She’s just shaking her head, not sure of how to express herself. She feels terrible, perhaps too much so, since she has a great tendency of over thinking legitimately everything. The brunette is just patiently waiting for an answer as if she hasn't noticed the blonde's slight panic.  
  
”I’m sorry if it seemed like that… But it had nothing to do with you… Or us. I mean-”  
But Lana already knows what she means, and she’s nodding soothingly.  
  
”No worries, dear! I just wanted to make sure, that’s all.”  
She takes a step closer, spinning her wedding ring around her finger with three fingers from the other hand.  
”You know where I am if you need to talk, right?”  
  
Jen responds with a smile as she takes her eyes off the glittering Latina and bobs her head. Lana is that kind of person that you could talk to about literally everything because she would never judge or tell anyone, she will just nod and soothe you until you’re up and ready to go again. Jen admires that about her, yet she’s too shy to actually pour her heart out if there ever would be something she’d want to get off her chest. She doesn’t even have the courage to show or tell the woman how much she appreciates that someone like her, who barely knows her, cares about her like she apparently does.  
  
But say _something_ Jen...  
  
”Gorgeous dress by the way..! It’s not too much at all.”  
  
The already smiling woman in front of her lights up with even more joy as she receives the compliment, swaying her hips to make the sequins glisten beautifully in the dim light from the ceiling.  
  
”Thank you!! I got it from a store here in Vancouver actually... Here, feel the material!”  
  
Before she knows it, she's holding on to the brunette’s waist, having her whole palm on top of the almost cutting sequins, under another, slender and warm hand, that keeps hers in place.  
”It’s wicked isn’t it?!”  
  
She tries to focus on the rough surface and not the elegant curves, the glittering details not the blissful eyes that are constantly on her own, the dress not the closeness of their bodies.  
  
”Yeah it’s… Edgy! You don't get yourself hurt on these?”  
Stupid question, but she had to save herself.  
  
”Nah, it’s just thin plastic. My nails are sharper than this.”  
She blinks, that flirty kind of blink that hides some kind of a hint. But does it really? Or is Jen’s mind just playing stupid games? What is she thinking anyways? She isn’t… Attracted to her, is she? She sure has been with women just for fun back in her younger days, but this was nothing like it. She has a hard time putting her finger on what it is exactly, but something about this woman makes her feel drawn to her. She’s intoxicating in a way that makes Jen question her every move. Perhaps it’s just her way of being. Her way of caring, soothing, talking to you like you matter.  
She’s unaccustomed to that kind of people, yet least said in need of them.  
  
”I bet they are.”  
She offers a forced smile, unsure of if she just flirted back, if this was a flirt at all that is, or if she's just trying to keep the conversation alive. Whatever she just did, the tiny bit the brunette's eyes darkened are enough to send inappropriate thoughts through her mind and cause her eyes to flutter shut before she takes a step back, letting some cold air through to refresh the small space that is in between them.  
  
”I’m sorry, it’s getting late. I should go.”  
The Latina snaps out of whatever she was thinking or feeling, shaking her head slightly, both eyes shut.  
”I didn’t mean to interrupt your cozy time with Ava.”  
She sounds like she feels bad for peeking in to see how things were for Jen, like it was rude, or disrespectful to make sure she was okay.  
  
”No, no! Don’t be!…at all! I mean… I’ve kind of been wishing all day, to not have to be alone this evening.”  
_Thank her Jen, show her appreciation._  
”And… I appreciate your concern. It… moves me that someone genuinely cares about how I feel.”  
Instant regret flows over her as the words have left her mouth. That probably sounded way too desperate.  
  
"Thank you for letting me in. See you on set tomorrow huh?"  
The older woman is already on her way to the door, reattaching the leash to the back of Lola's black harness.  
"Yeah."  
That's the only thing coming out of the other actress's mouth at this very moment. Hands back in her pockets of her jeans, eyes switching between Lana, the happy dog and the floor, as the familiar feeling of loneliness starting to sweep in from the doorway as the other woman pulls the handle to make her way out.  
  
"Goodnight."  
  
"Night..!"  
  
\-------  
  
One last glance at her sheepish colleague still standing a step away from the doorway before she closes the door behind her and heads towards her own trailer. It's tremendously dark outside tonight. The sky is as clear as it can possibly be and the stars sparkles brighter than the dress she is wearing. Lola is leading the way home, she's always ahead of her when they're taking a walk together, whether it's just a walk in the woods or a day in town, from one trailer to another or inside their own when food is on its way.  
As she's about to look for the keys somewhere in her purse per usual, the door opens and she's quite taken by surprise.  
  
"I thought you left hours ago?!"  
Eyes wide and a smile growing upon her face, as the man in the doorway offers her a hand as she steps up the three stairs to get inside the warm, welcoming trailer. She's just about to take off her black, lacquered pumps when he gently grabs her hand and spins her around to face him instead.  
  
"Hey..!"  
  
His warm voice is so inviting and familiar, she can't ignore the need of pushing her lips against his, jump and throw her arms around him like she is five years old.  
  
"... I got you something,"  
  
He says as their lips part.  
She leans back in his arms that are tightly wrapped around her waist, to get a better look at him as he speaks.  
  
"Oh what now Fred, you just took me out for dinner at a lavish restaurant?!"  
  
She isn't complaining that he is being a little  too generous though, why would she?  
  
"Come, I'll show you."  
  
He reaches out a hand for her to hold onto once again and leads her towards the bedroom. Whilst walking he corrects himself;  
  
”… Or well it’s something for Lola, but since I know how much you love her; consider it a gift for both of you.”  
  
As they enter the bedroom, the brunette almost stumbles upon something right beneath her feet. There’s a pretty, woven, wood basket standing right next to the bed, clad with a soft grey fleece blanket.  
  
”Oh my…!! Fred it’s beautiful !”  
His wife kneels down to take a better look at it and to touch the material like it’s made of gold, but before he knows it she’s back up again throwing her arms around his neck in delight.  
  
”Thank you!! She will love it, I’m sure!”  
On her toes, she cups his cheeks, makes herself as tall as she possibly can and gives him a peck on the mouth before she runs off to get Lola in the living room.  
  
This night Lola will spend the night in her new basket, yet Lana Is not alone in her big bed. Fred will stay over the weekend, like he usually does once a month when time permits. But there is someone else, in a similar trailer, a few meters away, just longing for the night to pass and take all her inexplicable jealousy and ridiculous teenage-like thoughts with it.


	3. Heart Fragments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Just when the blonde is about to bob her head in response and leave together with her white furry friend, that's when she notices the distinct redness across her left cheek. At the very same time the other woman notices how her colleague's eyes wander from her own, slightly to the left, so she casually tries to cover it with a few strands of raven hair. When emerald eyes find their way back to hazel, they're consisting of a look so questioning and concerned, the older woman can't avoid answering,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes chapter 3, enjoy and let me know what you think!   
> xx

Chapter 3.

  
Jennifer slams the script against the countertop to free her hands and mind from the mentally exhausting scenario she has practiced for all morning and that she also will have to perform later today. This SwanQueen thing is affecting her in a way she isn’t sure is for good or bad. Perhaps it's because she has to play a woman who's in a relationship when in real life she's very much alone. Perhaps it's because she has abnormally insecure lately, most certainly because of the odd circumstances nowadays on set. Perhaps she is just tired.   
She regains some power before she takes a deep breath and picks up the papers once more to go through the dialogs one more time. Luckily they've arranged a well-deserved barbecue night for the whole crew later this evening to look forward to after all this wearisome work, but the day is still young and there's a lot of effort left to give before getting there.    
  
After the fourth round of reading through the bunch of papers, Jen feels the need to get some fresh air. After all, Ava hasn't been out yet today so this is a perfect opportunity to simultaneously get that over with.    
She grabs her jacket and the little dog's leash in one hand and her shoes in the other before walking out to the hall to tie them on and get the dog, who's sitting right by the door just waiting for her owner to open it.    
When she finally slams it open, the white bundle of hair flies out from the trailer, runs around in circles, with a tail wiggling like never before. Jen just smiles, grateful to have such a lovely companion to join her on her morning walks.    
They don't get far before they run into Bobby while he's on his way to get his morning coffee. They're having a little chat about the weather and how much they all have to work today, before moving on towards what they're out to do. Ginny is sitting in a chair outside her trailer, enjoying the burning sun and the warm breeze today's weather has to offer. Josh is taking care of their little one, and Emilie is making them company while trying out some new sunglasses she bought yesterday while she was out in town. Jen waves to them as she passes, Ava more interested in the bugs on the ground and to move forward than greeting people. They all wave back with warm smiles on their faces before going back to their current conversation, and Jen continues her walk on a path that leads out into the woods along the seashore. Suddenly Ava takes off into the mess of trees, and won't come back when she calls for her, so she trails off as well to look for her all of a suddenly lost dog.    
  
"AVA!? Where did you go?!"   
  
She looks under low branches, bushes, leaves hanging from giant oak trees, even behind big rocks, yet she finds not a single trace of the pet. But she finds something else. Another dog actually. It doesn't take long before she recognizes the bundle of energy covered in chocolate brown fur.   
  
"Heey... Lola, baby what are you doing out here alone..?"    
  
She grabs the dog by the collar as she pets and cuddles her to give her comfort. Meanwhile, her eyes are searching among the trees for her owner that should be out here with her, but whether it's Fred or Lana, the person is nowhere to be found. Perhaps they had just let her run free for a while, she is a very obedient dog after all. Now, just a few seconds behind Lola, Ava comes running after her.    
  
"There you are, girl! You can't just take off like that!"    
  
She puts the smaller dog on the leash and keeps holding the darker one by her collar as they make their way back to the trailers. She commands her new company to sit before she knocks on the door to her colleagues rectangular home on wheels.    
Right when she reaches the door she hears a muffled noise, which sounds very much like a heated argument. She waits about a minute, and just as she's about to leave to avoid bothering, thinking she can keep Lola at hers and call her coworker later instead, she hears footsteps approaching the doorway. With her back turned towards the door, she hears how the handle is pulled down and the door slams open, she turns around to face whoever is standing there to meet her green, wide eyes.    
It's Lana, dressed in baggy jeans and a red T-shirt. Her eyes are red and slightly puffy, and her hair is a little messy like she has been too busy this morning to get it done.    
  
"H-hey."   
Jen stutters when realization hits her that the woman in front of her has been crying.    
  
"I'm sorry if I'm interrupting something or-"   
  
"Lola!!"   
The brunette is on her knees faster than Jen can finish her sentence, cupping Lola's soft head, kissing her all over.    
  
"Yeah..."   
A sheepish smile comes on her face and a hand to her neck as she watches the cute duo cuddle on the ground.   
  
"Thank you! She ran off this morning when I opened the door to let some fresh air into the trailer, I was so worried when I couldn't find her anywhere nearby..."   
The older woman gets up on her feet again and takes a step closer to Jen as the dog runs past her to get inside.    
  
"Actually Ava found her, in the woods all by herself. I immediately got that something was wrong since no one was with her."   
  
"Thank you, really."   
  
Just when the blonde is about to bob her head in response and leave together with her white furry friend, that's when she notices the distinct redness across her left cheek. At the very same time, the other woman notices how her colleague's eyes wander from her own, slightly to the left, so she casually tries to cover it with a few strands of raven hair. When emerald eyes find their way back to hazel, they're consisting of a look so questioning and concerned, the older woman can't avoid answering,    
  
"I-I accidentally hurt myself while I was practicing for the sword fight scene that's coming up today, haha I know, clumsy as hell."   
She laughs, her gaze falls towards her feet.    
Jen doesn't dare to answer because her mind is taking her back to what she heard before the door slammed open and it makes her uncomfortable knowing that she has no idea whether she's actually speaking the truth or lying to cover something up right now. She doesn't owe her the truth in any way, yet it feels like this is now concerning her too.    
  
"..You sure?"   
It might be the most stupid question she has ever asked, not to mention the situation, because dark orbs snap up and stare straight into her own in surprise.   
  
"Yes, of course I am."   
She offers a smile, half genuine, half what seems like nervous. Not even Jen's squinting eyes under her frown makes her change her answer nor expression. The blonde nods at last, there's no reason not to believe her, right? Besides, Fred would never do something like-..that.    
  
"See ya on set later, yeah?"   
It's like the brunette snaps out of some current state of mind because as fast as her colleague changes subject she lights up like she uses to.    
  
"Yeah! Have you read the script?.."   
She humorously wipes her forehead followed by a throaty chuckle. Apparently, Jen is not the only one who thinks their next part to act is exhausting.    
  
"Yes... four times this morning."   
She rolls her eyes and scoffs as she thinks back to it. Lana laughs once again, giving her a thumbs up.   
  
"That's the spirit!"    
She teases, well aware of that Jen hates to read until she's tired of a certain text. Reading is her most beloved hobby and she finds destroying stories, by going through them until they're worn out, horrifying.    
She receives an eye roll from the blonde and she approaches her to grab onto her arm to lightly get her off balance for a second.   
  
"Don't worry, we'll do perfectly fine! We're a good team you and I."    
Lighter eyes shyly meet darker that are already set on her. The older woman is wearing that serious, encouraging expression that only she can do and that is almost too much for the blonde's self-esteem to grasp. Just as she's figuring on a comeback, a familiar male voice surprises them both from behind.    
  
"Jen..!"    
  


At very first glance, she recognizes him, it’s Colin, her co-worker that she had spent most of her time with during the last three episodes. What was he doing here? In Lana’s trailer? And had they been fighting? Considering that the brunette woman had been crying and the yelling she heard before the door slammed open, it seemed so. 

 

“H-Hey..! What are you doing here?”   
She doesn’t even bother to hide her evident confusion and surprise on her features, perhaps because she honestly felt a little… Jealous. Jealous? No, what is she thinking?

 

“I was just talking to LP about some script stuff… What about you?”    
He’s standing with his hands down his jean pockets, leaning against the doorframe, typical Colin and it’s an expression that he has given his character Captain Hook as well. 

Some script stuff? That would certainly not make this independent, temperamental woman  _ cry _ . 

 

“‘Script stuff’? It sounded a bit more serious than that from out here.”    
She can feel how four dark orbs glare at her under two confused frowning faces. Why can’t she ever just keep her mouth shut when her mind annoys her? 

 

“I-... I uh heard that you were.. arguing when I arrived with Lola here.”   
  
She explains, shame evident in her eyes. She shouldn’t have ferreted outside the door.

 

“Oh,”   
  
The brunette suddenly speaks as if she just realized what they are talking about. 

 

“I was just upset over not finding Lola at the time he came in, and… I guess I was just overreacting, a bit. He tried to calm me down and, yeah...”    
She talks like she just wants to not only change, but throw the subject away and Jen knows that’s the first sign of a lie. The group remains silent, just letting the awkwardness invade their dying conversation.

 

“... I was about to leave anyways, 

 

He grabs his black coat from the coat-hanger inside the doorway and jumps down the stairs to make his way to his own trailer. Just as he disappears out of sight, the brunette takes the blonde to the side, into the shadow behind her trailer,

 

“Jen, what was that? What’s wrong?”    
She asks it with such confidence, so straightforward that Jen gets unnecessarily nervous. 

 

“It’s-… I-... Script? Really?.. Did he hit you??”   
After a moment of anxiously scratching her neck, she just throws it out there. She can’t get more awkward than she is anyways. Lana’s eyes widen and she looks at her colleague like she’s insane for a moment,

 

“... No?? Oh god Jen, you’ve got this all wrong... I really did cause it myself when I was sword fighting, as I told you.”    
The brunette’s hands are suddenly cupping the blonde’s cheeks and it certainly doesn’t help the cerise blush to fade from her face. Hazel orbs looking closely into green as to promise and as a way to make sure she gets it right this time. 

 

“I’m fine, I promise, it’s just a bruise!” 

Thumbs gently stroking the soft skin below emerald eyes, and that’s enough to make the younger woman feel slightly dizzy. She  _ is _ touchy like this, Jen knows that. This isn’t something she’d only do to her, she would hug anyone, she would talk to people for the first time like she had known them for twenty years. She even kisses Bex, why does this feel so ridiculously personal? 

She eventually at least manages to nod and takes her gaze off the brunette before she will drown in those dark pools of promises and reassurance. 

 

“And I  _ did _ actually cry because of Lola’s disappearance, she’s like my child, you know?” 

Just as Jen dares to look up again, she’s met by the warmest of tiny smiles, and she can’t help but to genuinely smile herself and nod as to confirm that she can let go of her now. 

 

“Okay…” 

Her response is markedly quiet because she’s still not sure if she’s being fooled or if the brunette is being honest with her. She has begun coming to terms with that she may not know this woman as well as she thinks. Some part of her seems to act every hour of the day, another is a private side that she rather keeps for herself and one is unnecessarily honest at times. Despite all this, she always comes forward as a very positive, loving, outgoing person, which doesn’t really make sense. And although everything about her is confusing and locked inside the gorgeous shell of hers, Jen can’t seem to get rid of the urge to get to know her on another level. 

“So, we shoot within an hour, right? See you there.”

 

Jen throws a hand into the air as a goodbye as she takes aim towards her own place and leaves the brunette with her newfound child, only to get ready and meet again at four o'clock.

 

* * *

 

“Okay, and.. action.”

 

**Emma grabs the warm cup quick enough to make the cocoa spill all over the kitchen before she has a chance to hand it to Henry. He’s late for school again and his homework isn’t finished. Emma had promised her sleeping wife that she would fix it, that she would make him breakfast in the morning while he got his history essay done. Easier said than done, apparently. Cursing the burning liquid soaking her white top and jeans, she slams the mug to the countertop and grabs a new one out of the cupboard behind her. He can’t go to school on an empty stomach, what kind of parenting would that be? In just a couple of minutes, the new hot cocoa is topped with cream, that is decorated with cinnamon and as if that wasn’t enough, she had made him a grilled cheese sandwich as well.**

 

**“Hey, kid! I’ve made you breakfast. Are you done with the work yet?”**

**The little brunette on the bed behind the book looks up at his obviously stressed out mother with a look so innocent is has to mean he’s just the opposite. The blonde tilts her head aside,**

 

**“How many times do I have to tell you, this book can’t predict things that have yet to happen. Your moms wedding won’t just appear in the book whether you like it or not.”**

**She sits down next to her disappointed son, laying an arm around him, as Regina had told her was the best way to soothe him.**

 

**“There there, kid. Now, where’s the homework?”**

**She opens his backpack to search for it before he even has the chance to respond.**

**“It’s not here?”**

**She glares at the boy who is obviously trying to figure on some legitimate excuse.**

**“Henry, are you kidding me?? You haven’t done it?”**

**The blonde’s shoulders drop and she sighs heavily before continuing,**

**“What will mom say?!”**

 

**“Sorry…”**

**The little child whimpers, well aware of how disobedient he has been. He just simply believes there are more important stuff than to sit for hours doing homework, saving the town for example.**

 

**“Ugh, come on kid, gotta get you to school anyhow.”**

**He slides down from the bed and puts on his shoes that surprisingly are paired, and placed right inside the doorway to his room. Otherwise, they usually lie, thrown, on each stair, making his other mom go mad every time.**

 

**Soon enough the kid, backpack and mother are in the yellow bug, heading towards what Henry ironically calls “the jail”.**

 

**Just after a few minutes drive, Emma receives a message on her phone and asks Henry to read it aloud.**

 

**“... Ops.”**

 

**“What??”**

 

**“Nothing.”**

**He quickly puts the phone down again.**

 

**“Who’s it from?”**

 

**“Mama.”**

 

**“What does it say, kid?!”**

**She eventually grabs the phone herself to read and drive at the same time, after all, she’s a brilliant multitasker.**

 

**“** **_Miss Swan, why is Henry’s history book lying under his blanket in the bed? I certainly hope this is not the homework you told me you would make sure was done today.”_ **

 

**_Shit._ **

 

**She looks up from the phone, ready to set her eyes back on the road, but they don’t. Instead, they set on two headlights, way closer than they are supposed to be. She doesn’t even have time to make a sound before sound is exactly what nubs her ears as the bigger car smashes into the front of the bug, forcing it off the road into a big pine standing in the ditch.**

**It takes a few seconds before the blonde can open her blurry eyes. Her head is pounding, arms aching and knees shaking. What just happened?**

**The hood of the car is just trash, covering half of the view through the cracked windshield, smoke covering the rest. When realization hits her her head snaps fast as lighting towards the seat Henry is sitting in.**

**_Was_ ** **sitting in.**

**The door has flown wide open and the window is smashed into a million pieces. Half the amount of fragments lying across the seat, the rest making a trace outside the car, reaching a seemingly lifeless little body in the glass covered grass.**

 

**No. No no no.**

 

**“HENRY!!”**

**Emma loudly cries as she desperately tries to get her seatbelt off and get out of the crashed car. Cursing everything that is in her way right now, louder than she has ever yelled at anything in her life. When she finally gets loose, she runs until her knees give away next to her son in the ditch, trying not to touch him too much since she knows it can be riskful in case anything is broken. Without a doubt, she picks up her,** **_stupid_ ** **, cell phone, and calls for an ambulance. Her heart is beating hard in her chest, wanting to pop out of her body, wanting to break into equally many pieces as the car window, but she knows what she has to do.**

 

**After it has been confirmed that an ambulance is on its way, she searches through her contacts to make one more call whilst tears threatens to drown her.**

**She had to call Regina.**

**_Oh,_ ** **Regina** **_..._ **

 


	4. Unwillingly Falling Headlong

**“Emma? Aren’t you suppos- Emma..? What is it, why are you crying?”**

**Worry breaks through the brunette’s voice rather quickly as she hears how her love sobs at the other end of the phone. Emma Swan isn’t the kind of person who cries for nothing, rather the opposite, she cries if someone’s dead.**

 

**“I’m… Regina, I’m so sorry..!”**

  **She never uses her full first name.**

 

**“What is happening?? Is Henry okay?”**

**The worry is almost unintentionally replaced by fury as the other woman doesn’t answer her questions directly. But now she isn’t getting any answers at all.**

 

**“Emma do you hear me?!”**

  **“YES, I hear you!!”**

  **Now it’s the brunette’s turn to be silent.**

 

**“I-... I crashed with the car.”**

  **“You** **_what_ ** **?!”**

**“Another car hit us on the way to school, he just took off and an ambulance is getting Henry to a hospital, I don’t know how he is, I don’t know if he is okay I don’t know if he’s going to make it I don-”**

  **Regina can** **_hear_ ** **the tears flow down the devastated mother’s cheeks. She can imagine them and if she were to try, she would be able to mentally feel them too, but she doesn’t. Instead, she does what she’s best at. Shutting off all of her feelings at once, not letting a single thing sound the way they actually feel.**

 

**“Emma. Just make sure they take care of him, I will drive to the hospital right away, I’ll meet you there, okay?”**

  **“... Yeah.”**

**Her answer is just a big, wet sob.**

 

**They hang up. And right in that moment, the heel carried, suit-clad, lipstick-painted mayor slides down along the white wall, all the way down to the wooden floor just to completely burst.**

 

* * *

The door slams closed to the cabin. Everyone begins to look around, carefully examining every room in it. One of the directors picks a list from his bag and coughs to get everyone’s attention before he begins to explain why they are here and what’s about to happen next.

 

“So, the shoot will take place early tomorrow in this forest right outside the door, therefor we are staying in this cottage overnight as you might have figured out. I have a list here where we have put you in pairs for each room, men with men and women with women, so no need to feel ashamed while changing to nightwear tonight.”

The crew giggles, no one uncomfortable with another but they get his point.

 

“So, I’m gonna read it to you so that you don’t have to fight over this piece of paper after I’ve left.”

Jen stands in the back of the crowd, barely hearing what he’s saying.

 

“Bobby stays with Colin.

Ginny stays with Emelie.

Jared with.. Josh.

And JMo with Lana.”

Jen almost chokes, for no reason as far as she knows. Seriously, what are the odds? SwanQueen in the same room, in a cabin, overnight. Hah.

Lana looks over to the blonde, giving her a warm, confirming look. She has to keep all the cool in the world to be able to offer the same calm look back, although she seems to have succeeded.

 

“The beds are single beds, but they are currently put together, so if you don’t feel comfortable sleeping like that, they can easily be separated. Have a good night everybody!”

The director leaves with a wave with his papers and the brunette walks through the crowd to get to her new room mate.

 

"So, it looks like we share bed tonight.”

She smiles, definitely not trying to flirt but Jen can’t help but to overthink her choice of words.

 

“Seems so, indeed.”

She nods, trying to remain seeming unaffected. Perhaps even too much so.

 

“Come on, let’s go check out our room!”

The older woman grabs her arm to pull her towards the doorway, that’s usually what she does when she wants people to follow her - they basically don’t have a choice.

Stumbling across the threshold, the younger woman’s eyes wander between the wooden walls, tiny bit of visible floor around the beds and surprisingly beautiful chandelier on the ceiling. The room is tiny, cozy, but almost intimidatingly small. There’s barely room to change clothes in there, perhaps it’s better to just sleep in the clothes she’s already wearing. After all, the other woman will probably do just the same. Jen’s eyes then fall down to her wristwatch, noticing time’s not as much as she thought it was.

 

“Well, it’s only 9 pm, not time for bed just yet.”

She looks at the Latina who has already made herself at home on the right side of the bed.

 

“Come, sit.”

She claps with her hand down the empty spot besides her, as she uses to do with Lola, who’s right now tied to the outside of the cabin when she wants her company. The blonde looks confused, although she’s slowly but surely taking steps towards the bed. Dark eyes stalking her down until she’s sitting on the brunette’s right side that she had been offered.

 

“How do you like it so far?”

Moss green eyes meet chocolate.

 “What..?”

 “The room. How do you like it?”

The older woman chuckles as she notices how confused the other woman seemed to have gotten.

 

“Oh! It’s… well, small.”

 The brunette purses her lips and nods approvingly, and then it’s quiet for a moment. Jen can’t get rid of the feeling that there’s something on the other woman’s mind that bothers her but what right does she have to try to get it out of her?

 

“... So, how did the shoot feel?”

She finally forces through her vocal chords. Perhaps she just needs to talk.

 

“Well…”

The brunette begins, but shrugs instead of continuing. The blonde’s brows furrow, she really didn't think that was the reason causing her woeful mood. Lana never seemed to take anything personally or get too affected by her parts. She wasn’t the kind of person to take things too seriously or think about it until it pulled her down.

 

“Not good, huh?”

It comes out way more confident than she really is, and somehow she feels proud of that she for once managed to say something that isn’t awkward. A scoff in form of just a puff of air leaves her colleague’s mouth.

 

“... I guess I just empathized with Regina a bit too seriously or something. I was way too into it than what is good for me.”

The blonde watches the brunette anxiously fiddle with her fingers and nails, looking really bothered.

 

“... Do you want to talk about it?”

 She doesn’t answer, instead, she stops playing with her nails and puts her hands down to the bed, holding it steadily, almost stops breathing.

 

“Hey..? You okay?” Jen takes a step closer and kneels down next to her. The other woman’s eyes are shut, and she is obviously focusing on how to breathe, which can’t be a good sign, can it?

 “Lana.”

She carefully lies a hand onto her friend's arm as if to comfort her, although she has no idea what’s going on. The older woman suddenly nods and sits up properly, back straightened and eyes open.

 

“I’m okay, I’m fine…”

 “Are you sure..?

 “Yeah.”

She bobs her head quickly and regains the smile she had worn when they first got into the room. Jen has no choice but to believe her.

The room has begun to smell like barbecued ribs and pepper steak, and the people outside has begun to pop their beers and ciders, getting the party started. Jen throws an eye out the doorway and sees Josh trying to gather everyone outside to hand them all a paper plate each.

 

“Dinner’s ready, come with me.”

She reaches out a hand towards the distressed woman on the bed, pleading her to grab it and follow her out to join the others. Lana looks up and gives her a genuine but weak smile as she tilts her head as an apologize,

 

“I’m not so hungry… And I have to take Lols for a walk. Thanks for the invite, though.”

Just as she has gotten up from where she was sitting and is about to pass Jen, she lightly grabs her friend’s wrist and leaves a kiss on her cheek before moving on towards the exit, to her patiently awaiting dog outside.

 

__________

 

For the next hour, that’s all she can think about - Her warm lips placing a genuine kiss on her right cheek. She has never felt so much about something so little. So strongly about something so soft. Even though she tries hard to have fun with the others and join their conversations, she loses herself from time to time. Although every one of them is drunk except for her, and Emelie who stopped drinking completely after she had her daughter. She walks around the table full of tipsy people to reach the only one on her level.

 

“Jen!”

The Irish accent is hard to miss among the sea of voices as the brunette speaks.

 

“Hey..! Do you mind?”

Jen points at the empty spot next to her, at the end of the long table.

 

“No, of course not! Sit down.”

The blonde approaches her colleague who seems to have just as much fun as herself, watching the drunk crew spill their beers across the table and laugh so loud even the bears in this forest surely are afraid.

 

“Having much fun?”

The blonde grins, knowing from the head tilt she receives from the brunette that no, they all are ridiculous, she’s just staying with them all from politeness. She nods back, looking down into her paper cup of coke.

 

“Where’s Lana by the way? Don’t you guys share a room?”

The changed subject has the blonde’s head quickly snap back up and throw a look towards her colleague.

 

“Uh she had to take the dog out. I guess she’ll be back any minute though, it was like an hour ago.”

She shrugs, making it seem like she doesn’t care, but to be honest she’s starting to get a bit worried. It’s very dark outside after all and they’re in the middle of nowhere, out in the woods and she’s alone.

But just as they speak of it, Lola comes running towards them all, barking loudly, jumping up to kiss every person she’s allowed to.

 

“Lola, get down!!”

 Lana quickly grabs the leash that she apparently had lost her grip of as her dog had rushed towards the cabin and all the people. Annoyed and exhausted, she pulls the dog away from the crowd.

 

“Hey!! Lana, come eat some, there are lots left!”

Sean waves and shouts, but the Latina just waves back as she shakes her head.

 

“I’m going inside, thanks though!”

 

Jen gets up without really reflecting over how desperate it looks, and runs after her. She meets a wet dog who comes flying through the air, happy, unlike the brunette who is trying to get her muddy boots off of her feet.

 

“Hey, why don’t you come out and just.. join the conversation? You don’t need to eat.”

Jen sheepishly tries, puppy eyes bigger than Lolas. Lana tilts her head, emotionally touched by her efforts.

 

“I appreciate that you want me to be there with you guys, I’m just really tired…”

“So what are you gonna do? Sleep already?”

Jen is almost mocking her from desperation.

 

“Well… no. But read a book perhaps.”

The brunette doesn’t even snap back, she continues to get rid of her outerwear and starts walking towards their bedroom.

 

“O-okay…”

She has nothing more to say. But a lot more to think. Perhaps she should follow her and not just let her be alone, for that might not be what she wants? Or perhaps it is lone time that she needs. Whatever it is, there’s only one way to find out. She peacefully approaches the doorway until she can see her colleague sitting on the edge of the bed, with her head heavily resting in her hands. She is certainly not going to read a book at least.

The blonde doesn’t need to say anything before she’s glared upon with dark eyes.

“Sorry… I just want to know what’s wrong..?”

She tries to sound innocent,f like she doesn’t know it’s a bit intrusive or too personal. The brunette sighs loudly, not because she’s bothered by her caring friend’s actions, but because she doesn’t really know herself.

 

“I’m just very tired, that’s it. I promise.”

 It’s quiet for a while until Jen asks the most random question ever, that she soon would regret, but not for long.

 

“I can stay with you. If you don’t want to be alone I mean…”

Before she has the chance to begin to ramble about exactly what she meant, she receives the evening’s first smile from the woman in front of her.

 

“... Thank you. That would be really nice.”  
She says it in such a kind, warm, inviting way, Jen can’t stop herself from smiling back.

Closing the door behind her, she takes a deep breath, admiring her own courage for daring to ask. This was something she never thought she would have the guts to do. To even mention, but she did it without second thoughts.

When Jen has made herself comfortable on her bed, that is still put together with the other one, the brunette finally, actually picks out a book from her packing. She ogles the cover of it which makes her move a little closer to get a better look.

 

“What do you read?”

Lana isn’t even surprised by the question, she knows how much Jen is into books. She puts on her black, bold reading glasses, which has the blonde swallowing before she answers.

 

“It’s a romance, you’ve probably read it.”  
  
She tilts the book to make it easier for her colleague to see what it is, and yes, that’s one of her all time favorites.

 

“Several times to be exact! I love this one!”  
Happily exclaiming, she grabs the book in disbelief, accidentally pulling the other woman’s hand with her.

 

“Oh! I’m sorry!”

The brunette just laughs as the blonde’s cheeks turn pink from slight embarrassment.

“I’m too eager haha…”

 “I noticed.”

 Their eyes meet for a second, but only a second, before they both avert their gaze from each other.

 

“So it must be good then? The book?”

Lana quickly brings up a new topic, cleansing the air from the tension that had begun to built. Jen's head snaps back to her colleague, almost excited to answer the question she was given.

 

“Yes! God yes, it’s brilliant. Promise me to finish it! It can be kind of confusing in the beginning, but things will clear up further into the story.”

 The brunette smiles and gives her a promising nod which makes the blonde silly enough feel proud.

 

“I will let you know when I have finished it.”

 

It’s like that sentence is stating the fact that they actually will stay in contact for at least another 384 thin paper pages, and in some way, it makes her inside sparkle with joy. Perhaps it’s because she for once feels a bit wanted, that someone genuinely wants to share thoughts about something that _she_ loves. Jen crawls under the blanket on her bed as the Latina has begun getting into the story, she removes only her socks, after all, it’s pretty cold in here. Just as she puts her head on the pillow, she feels how two dark eyes are staring down at her.

 

“Are you going to sleep already? I can turn off the lights if they’re bothering you.”

 The brunette sounds almost sorry as she makes the offer and puts the book on the small, wooden nightstand besides her.

 

“Oh..! No, I just… Since I have a hard time getting sleepy I thought I better start trying right away while you’re reading.”

An innocent shrug from the blonde's shoulders has the brunette shooting her brows up in slight realization.

 

“Oh but I’m just reading so that you wouldn’t have to feel you were bothering me if I slept…”

“Oh…”

 They both pause for a moment, just looking at each other like two fools.

 

“Well, then I guess you have nothing against going to sleep?”

The blonde smirks as she lies down and pulls the blanket up to her chin, like a kid going to bed the day before Christmas. Lana shakes her head with a smile on her face,

 

“No, absolutely not.”

 Moss green eyes close while the darker woman begins to embed her side and put the book back into her purse on the floor before she disappears out to the bathroom in the hall.

The sheets are cold, maybe even colder than the floor, but not even close to as freezing as her heart. It’s like her entire chest turns cold as soon as she’s not around, like her heart has no reason to beat anymore. But she’s just in the bathroom, and she is only her colleague, why would it feel like this?

 

When the brunette comes back to their little room, Jen peeks into the dark to make sure that there’s not a vampire or any other kind of uninvited creature from under the bed that is taking the audible footsteps across the wooden floor. Thanks to the small window above her head, it’s at least bright enough to spot the familiar silhouette of the tip toeing Latina that has now reached her side of the bed.

She barely dares to, but there’s no way she can avoid to keep her eyes slightly open to watch as the tan lady on the opposite side pulls her shirt over her head and lets it slide along her arm only to fall down to the shabby floor. The shadows along the outline of her muscles and bones as the moon shine in from the same window, makes beautiful patterns on her back as she moves to get rid of the rest of her garments. They fall off her body like they were never meant to be there. As if they were jealous, trying to cover the most of her sublime beauty, but never really succeeded to.

The thin piece of white underwear she’s wearing is not much to cover her curves with and definitely not something that would make any eyes avert.

Slowly and carefully, naively believing the blonde woman is asleep, she sits down on top of the sheets and pulls the blanket over her almost bare body before she lies down and closes her eyes, moving slightly to make herself comfortable before she can allow herself to fall asleep.

 

As soon as Jen can hear how the brunette’s breaths become heavier, slower, emerald eyes snap open. She’s not even a _little_ tired and now when she’s the only one awake she decides to just momentarily give up on all the stress, nervousness, withholding of emotions, denial of feelings and refusing to have what she believed was inappropriate thoughts. She can’t hold back any longer. She can’t refuse herself all the things she craves so badly, all the things that make her feel so warm inside and all the things her brain labels forbidden. What would it matter if she just kept her eyes open for a moment? If she stayed awake for a little while longer? If she enjoyed the fact that the lady she had always thought was so intoxicatingly breathtaking in every way possible, with her husky voice and dark eyes, perfect smile and scarred lip, is sleeping right beside her. It doesn’t.

So she stays awake not just because she cannot sleep, but to count this woman’s eyelashes. To listen to her breaths and to watch her chest rise and fall with the sound of them. To wonder how much it must've hurt when she got that deep scar above her lips and how it would feel against her own of she got the chance to carefully learn. To watch her body unconsciously move every now and then as her mind is busy dreaming and she wonders what she might dream of. To imagine how it would feel to have hands filled with her raven hair, that falls so perfectly onto the pillow underneath. To figure what color her already dark eyes would seem to be if she opened them in this immersive darkness. To not miss out on a single second of this moment, because this is more than she could’ve ever dared to wish for.

 

But what was this? This adoration for this woman. The impact she has on her. Is it just a friendly connection that has grown stronger over these years on the show, or is this something more?

Because if this is love, love is not what she thought it was.

This feels like a comforting obsession, a forbidden need. She doesn’t want it, yet she’s nothing but a slave to it and her body nor mind obeys to stay the least bit sane when it comes to this being. It’s like she is literally cursed, with the most powerful magic of all, and she’s not allowed to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you bookmarked the fic yet? :D  
> Thanks for the support and lovely comments! xx


	5. The Closest I Will Ever Get

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for posting this chapter way too late. Life has been chasing me and the motivation to write isn't always there in these moments. Thank you for still reading though! xx

The Closest I’ll Ever Get

  
  


Lana is up way earlier than Jennifer and all the others. When the sun rises, the brunette has already been up for a couple of hours, gotten dressed, eaten breakfast alone in the common dining room, fed Lola and gotten ready for a morning hike in the woods. It’s rainy day. Clouds are covering the sky and the weather app on the phone promises even more rain during the day but despite that, the brunette feels motivated to take a refreshing walk in the muddy forest with her energetic dog before it’s time for work. 

It’s always the best way to rinse your mind from thoughts there haven’t been time for earlier. Such as Jen behaving strangely recently. She hadn’t thought about it until now, but the more she thinks the more she wonder. Why did she care so much? She hasn’t been the kind of a person to just walk up to people and ask them about how they are doing. She is shy, nervous, beautiful but self-critical. Always hiding away from big events and enjoys alone time more than most people she knew. At least she used to be that way. But recently she has become, not less nervous, but more courageous like she is trying harder than before. Not that she is complaining, it’s just very new to her. Anyhow, her dog is restless and her legs need to move to keep her awake a gray day like this, so she better get going if she wants to get some exercise before she needs to be back in that small, little timber house.

 

____________

 

When the blonde has stretched properly and opened her eyes wide enough to see that the other bed is empty, she sits up and throws the blanket off of her legs to get up. It must be late considering the noise outside the door and the empty sleeping spot beside her. Already dressed, she hurries out of the room, without brushing her hair or doing her makeup. They were in a cabin in the middle of the forest after all, right? 

 

“JMo! There you are! How long have you been asleep?!”

Oh god, good question Colin. Time is 12 pm. Pretty embarrassed, with a blush creeping up over her cheeks, she scratches her neck nervously and chuckles sheepishly. 

 

“Well uh I… fell asleep pretty late last night.”

 

“You did?”

The husky voice from behind sends chills along her spine. Crap. 

She spins around, knowing she can’t escape this.

 

“Y-yeah.” 

The brunette just keeps looking at her, head tilted a bit forward as if she’s still waiting for an answer, a proper answer, and if you look close enough you can see a teeny tiny curve in one corner of her mouth. Eventually, before Jen has a chance to reply, she turns around to her dog who is begging for her attention by scratching the back of her legs. Just as the blonde thinks she can take a deep breath and relax, the doorbell rings. Who rings the doorbell to a cabin in the woods? Everyone’s attention is drawn to the front door as Josh walks over to find out who it is. 

 

“Someone’s got a visitor..!”

Josh turns to Lana as he opens up the door a little more for the crew to see. The brunette woman’s face is just pure bliss as she sees that her husband is the unexpected guest, and runs up to him, throwing her arms around him like she always does. 

 

“Fred! What are you doing here?”

 

“Just peeking by to check on how you’re doing out here… Seen any bears yet?”

 

Lana just shakes her head together with an eye roll as she pulls him in and closes the door, to avoid actually seeing any bears. It doesn’t take long before Fred gets stuck in a conversation with Josh, which gives her the chance to find her way back to her colleague and continue to teasingly mock her, 

 

“So, night owl… what’s up?”

 

Jen looks to her left. Lana, with evident confrontation written across her face. 

 

“I was just about to grab something to eat…”

 

“What was that about?”

“What?”

“Didn’t you go to sleep earlier than me?”

“Yeah I did but.. then I woke up, couldn’t fall back asleep and-”

“What? U read a book?”

 

The brunette is  _ grinning _ .

 

“Y-yeah. Yeah I read.”

 

The woman is now giggling, it sounds adorable but at the same time she is stepping on her colleague’s nerves, intentionally.

 

“You’re a terrible lia-”

 

They both get interrupted by a loud voice yelling that it’s time to go outside for the first shoot. Jen takes advantage of the opportunity fast as lightning and walks straight out the door, to not have to give the brunette an answer. 

___________

 

Most of the day is spent watching the other actors play their part, as there are a lot of scenes for different episodes to shoot today. To be honest it feels kind of unnecessary to drag the whole crew out into the woods to camp, only to later that day record a ten-minute scene that they could’ve done in front of a green screen. After more than two hours, it’s time for the SwanQueen part. 

 

“Ready? Action!”

**Emma points down the ditch. The place where it all happened. Regina refuses to set her eyes on that spot, facing it with her back, holding onto the blonde’s arm not to lose her balance as she clenches her eyes shut. The police are writing down everything that comes out of the victim’s mouth, Emma that is, and studies the surroundings carefully. The bigger car that had hit them had gotten away right after the crash, certainly not aware of what damage the driver had caused. Mary Margaret stayed with little Henry in the hospital while his mothers did what they had to, his condition was stable, he had woken up and from what they had been able to see he had just gotten a bad concussion.**

 

**“Are we done yet?”**

**The impatience is so evident in her voice, even the constable throws an eye towards the urgent brunette.**

 

**“Regina we** **_have_ ** **to do this, otherwise we’ll have to pay for a whole new car…”**

**“Getting rid of that** **_bug_ ** **sounds good to me.”**

 

**Emma glares at Regina who still just looks straight ahead, totally serious concerning her statement.**

 

**“Okay ladies, that’s it. We will make sure to get this to the station and try to figure this all out. Miss Swan, we have your number so we’ll call when we have any news. If there’s something else, you know where to find us.”**

**“Thank you.”**

 

**They head back to the hospital in a cab, paid by the police, and the brunette rushes out, not bothering thanking or saying goodbye to the driver beside her. Emma becomes the apologizing slightly ashamed one who has to do that instead before she runs after Regina who’s on her way towards the room Henry’s waiting in.**

 

**“Heey, sweetheart! Are you okay?? Is the headache still as bad?”**

**Regina cups her son’s little face in her hands, carefully not to hurt him or make the pain worse that it already is. She drops her purse down to the floor and takes off her suit jacket and puts it on a chair that she seconds later takes a seat in.**

 

**“You can leave now.”**

**Mary Margaret looks slightly surprised as the comment comes out rather suddenly. Emma glares at her girlfriend in a baffled manner, as if to tell her with a look how rude that sounded. But the pixie-haired woman is already on her way up from where she’s sitting and grabs a jacket, ready to leave the work to the other women who after all happens to be his mothers. Although Emma grabs her mother's arm before she’s through the doorway, and thanks her quietly for looking after him for so long. She receives a smile followed by a nod before she leaves.**

 

**“Henry, how are you?”**

**The blonde leans over the bed to lovingly stroke a hand over his forehead down to his cheek.**

 

**“I just asked him that.”**

**As the brunette snarls, his other mother locks eyes with the grumpy mayor in front of her.**

 

**“Oh, I’m sorry to break it to you, your majesty. But there are actually more people in here who wants to know how** **_our son_ ** **is doing.”**

**The darker woman’s eyes narrow, shooting daggers towards the green ones glaring at her just as intensively. Eyes roll as she doesn’t come up with a come back good enough, and Henry answers his mom's question.**

 

**“Okay…”**

**The younger woman smiles as he yawns widely and closes his eyes again, obviously very tired after everything that has happened today.**

**To be fair it’s not very strange that madam mayor is in no mood right now. Even though she doesn’t seem emotional for shit, Emma knows her well enough to recognize when she puts her walls up to hide it.**

 

**“Regina.”**

 

**Brown orbs reach her with a softer look this time.**

 

**“I love you. And I know that you’re worried. I just want you to know that you can relax around us, let your feelings show you know..?”**

 

**“I’m not. He’s here, everything’s fine, why would I worry?”**

**The nervous shrug and gestures with her hands show just the opposite of how she’s trying to appear at the moment.**

**Emma can only shake her head and chuckle. One day she** **_will_ ** **break those walls, perhaps not today, but one day.**

 

____________

 

Jennifer, Lana and two men from the crew drive together back from the hospital they’ve been partly recording at today. The trip is unusually silent, though, they all let the music satisfy their ears instead until they get back to the cabin where the rest of the cast has begun to prepare for the evening. Jen is the last one to leave the car, she has no arms to rush into as she steps outside the vehicle, unlike some others.  

For the rest of what’s left of the day, she walks around with a lump in her stomach. It just won’t go away, even if she tries to have fun with her co-workers. She feels alone, even though she is surrounded by people. Lana is there too, although she’s with her husband. She leans onto the table, chin in palm and just watches in awe; 

The way she holds him, cupping his cheek that must be incredibly prickly to touch, yet she does it so lovingly. How she looks at him with sparkles in her eyes and how she kisses him like it was the first time, every time. How she laughs at everything he says and stands by his side constantly as if they’re one. She is jealous. She knows that now. But why? Is she feeling so ridiculously lonely that she need someone to… what? Offer her rainbow kisses and unicorn stickers? 

She shakes it off, knowing that this is just bullshit. She is just feeling sorry for herself, and going to her colleagues for comfort won’t help in the long run. 

 

She keeps mingling, just exchanging fake smiles with the people across the room. This has never been her thing, she would rather sneak into her room and read or write something.

 

“Hey, Jen! Take it.”

 

The blonde spins around, already aware of who stands behind her from the sound of the familiar voice that speaks. The brunette is holding out a red cocktail, pimped with a little, green parasol. After examining the drink, her eyes sets on Lana. 

 

“Wha- why?”

The glass is almost pushed into her hands, she has no other choice than to grab it. 

 

“I don’t want it. It’s delicious, though, try it!” 

The blonde frowns, but the other woman is impatiently waiting for her to taste it, so she does. Carefully sipping from the thin edge, pushing the parasol away with a finger to avoid poking her eyes out with it. 

 

“Good, right?!”

 

“Well… It’s okay, not really my taste, though.”

 

“Ahh, come on!”

The older woman bumps her shoulder into the blonde’s, who almost spills her drink. 

 

“If you think it’s so good, why don’t you take it back?”

Jen hands it back to the brunette who takes hold of it with a chuckle and puts her lips on the exact same spot Jen had hers just seconds ago, as she keeps her eyes locked with green. The younger woman swallows. Then the brunette changes her mind, doesn’t even touch the liquid and hands it over to Fred instead. Without asking, he takes it and continues to mingle among the crowd as the latina approaches her confused colleague a little further. Jen just watches until the woman in front of her sensually licks her lips, eyes still watching her like she’s a prey, and smirks.

 

“That’s enough tasting for today.”

 

The blonde’s mouth is about to fall wide open but she prevents it just in time just as the other woman walks by. What the hell was that? If that wasn’t teasing she doesn’t know what drug except for alcohol she’s on. The brunette makes her way up to her husband who lies an arm around her waist as she join the conversation with Ginny and Josh. The cute, married couples, of course.

 

____________

 

Jen’s finally in the room, with her book that she brought but hasn’t had time to read since they got here. She isn’t alone for a long time tough. She can hear how Lana, together with her slightly drunk husband approach the door that she has locked since she loathes to be disturbed while reading. She gets up to unlock it before they reach it and puts the book back into her bag. She offers them a forced smile as they come in, moving a little out of the way as if she is in the way at all. 

 

“So is there somewhere I could stay?”

His eyes obviously aim at the bed beside Lana’s, and the brunette catches a glimpse of how the blonde opens her mouth to offer him her sleeping spot and probably move out to the sofa in the family room, but she is just in time to stop her. In an instant, she steps in front of her colleague who has begun speaking her first letter but stops in confusion as a back covers her sight.

 

“Sorry, that’s Jen’s spot, but I’ll be home tomorrow night honey. There’s no rush to cuddle.” 

She kisses her slightly disappointed husband who eventually accepts the fact before he leaves with Lola and the brunette turns to the woman behind her who’s just standing there, speechless. She smirks.

 

“... Why did you do that? I was just about to offer my bed to hi-”

 

“I know. That’s why I stopped you.”

 

Green eyes switches between brown.

 

“What?”

 

The older actress takes a step closer, a step that she’s well aware is too close. 

 

“... Because it’s your bed.”

 

She releases the grip of the blonde with her suffocatingly gazing eyes just as she walks past her to get to her bag where her toothbrush awaits. Jen feels dizzy, not only from confusion but also the lack of oxygen that her colleague's eyes seem to have brutally pulled out of her lungs. 

She must know what she is doing to her because these looks and acts just don’t match with her sentences. 

 

The day is getting to an end, and Jen is getting tired, both mentally and physically and decides that it’d be best to date the pillow right away. She finds the bathroom, brushes her teeth, lets out her hair and changes clothes to something lighter to sleep in before she’s ready to crawl down into the sheets. But just as she enters the room, besides her bed, she finds the Latina with one of her small writing books in hand. 

 

“Lana?!”

 

“Have you written this..?”

She asks without even looking at the blonde, clearly impressed by the piece of work she’s holding in her hands. She keeps reading like she can’t stop, stunned by every word her eyes gets a glimpse of. 

 

“That’s private!”

She snatches the book out of tan hands, not even thinking about trying to be gentle this time. The brunette doesn’t even seem bothered, she still looks struck by the poetry still on her mind. 

 

“...  _ I could watch, but I dared not touch, Because the thought of being too close, terrified me. _

_ What if that particular touch would become the closest I'll ever get? _ ”

 

“Oh you did not…” 

Knowing that Lana had read a poem written about her from last night, almost makes her mad from embarrassment, even though she knows she has no idea. She just simply tilts her head in an uncomfortable, annoyed manner and puts the book back into her backpack on the floor. 

It’s quiet for a while until the brunette settles on the edge of the bed behind the blonde and breaks the silence. 

 

“... It’s beautiful.”

 

Jen throws a glare her way. But her colleague doesn’t look sarcastic, she doesn’t even wear a smile, that’s how genuinely she meant it. Jen knows she’s a fan of reading, everything between poetry to romantic novels apparently, and she would  _ love _ talking to her about authors, poets, and their work, but not about her deepest feelings and fears which are exactly what’s written in that little book she had found. 

 

“Thanks.”

That did not sound even close to as genuine, but what is she supposed to say? Tell her the story behind it? Don’t think so. She doesn’t have to either because just as it’s about to get awkward, the other woman gets up from where she’s sitting and grabs her bag before she walks towards the doorway.

 

“I’ll go take a shower, I need to get this Regina-look off of my face.” 

She smiles before leaving the room as if to light up the mood. As if she noticed she had brought all of Jen’s secrets to the surface and knew she wasn’t supposed to know about them. Like she knew she was involved with them but wasn’t even bothered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will continue from where this ended, hope you guys stay with me til then to find out what happens! :) And please, tell me what you think! xx


	6. Poisonous Addiction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay once again!! I hope this chapter will make up for it though..! xx

Poisonous Addiction

  
  


Minutes have passed. Minutes. It feels like hours to the blonde. She has begun considering to skip reading from the book she’s holding, as she always does before bedtime. Lying on her back on top of the bed, staring up the ceiling, she switches off the light above her head and gets up only to put the book back where it belongs, in her bag now leaning against the wall right by the door and just as a freshly showered brunette turns around the corner to the room, she walks straight into a soft figure that bounces back just as quickly. Her hair is put up into a messy hairdo, her face is completely clean from makeup, yet her eyelashes are still long and dark as the night, and her lips just as full without the crimson color. Her skin looks even softer than when she wears all those layers of on-screen makeup, and her eyes are just as dark and glimmering as ever. 

Jen has stared before, but never as obsessively as she does right now and even if it was a question of life and death, she could not take her eyes off this woman. Lana gasps in surprise, eyes flutter and it takes a second for her to recognize the woman right before her nose, who is frozen in her spot just devouring the other woman’s every inch with her green, wide eyes. The brunette is standing before her with a half-eaten apple in her hand and is about to say something but changes her mind, just staring back at the enchanted blonde, unsure of what’s happening. 

Jen wants, more than literally anything, to tell her aloud how stunning she is. She wants to cup her face, put her hands on her hips, lay her arms around her waist, runs her fingers through her damp, curly hair, runs a thumb over her scar and lips, draws patterns with her fingertips along her arms - but she does none. She doesn’t even tell her.

The brunette notices, though, how moss eyes fall towards her lips, telling her more than the blonde says herself and without second thoughts takes a daring step closer, letting her eyes wander as well. When the younger woman suddenly is approached with a too luscious lip bite, and eyes who are no longer on hers but on her open mouth, she snaps out of her currently overwhelming state of mind and takes a step back, making her hands briefly touch the wall behind her. 

Both of them has given up on language. Instead, letting themselves be completely driven by instinct, they take bite after bite, taste after taste of the other with their starving eyes. Slowly, ever so kindly, Lana pins her younger colleague against the cold wood, keeping her gaze locked at the parted lips where a hiss escapes as she becomes stuck between the wall and the brunette. Everything is done so smoothly, so gently and so carefully. 

After way too many seconds of uncontrollable feelings flashing through their minds as eyes explore more than they should, the brunette decreases the space between them, lets the fruit roll out of her grip and fall to the floor, stops just millimeters from Jennifer’s face to look her deep into the eyes, before dampening her lips with a careful tongue and carefully but passionately locks them with soft ones in front of her. With all the want in her body, she pushes them even closer together, making no space for even an atom to invade the nonexistent space between them. This was not her plan, but now it’s for dear life. 

____________

 

She's so warm, so real - is her first thought after the shock has turned to comfort. Her wet lips are smooth like the inside of her own cheek, it's the second thing she realizes, odd but very accurate. Her silky nightwear never stops filling her hands as she constantly tightens her grip on them. Of her. This is totally insane, forbidden, stupid. Why isn't she pulling back? Why isn't she putting an end to this right here right now? Why doesn't she remind her that she's married to another? She's just doing what Jen wants her to, or is this even what she wants? She doesn't know. She doesn't know if she wants the other woman to excuse herself and walk away never to return or just devour her fully and entirely, every day for all eternity.   
Lips still pressed onto the ones in front of her, the brunette's hands move, dance up along the petite figure close to her, reaching the bright locks but don't stop there. Fingers forcefully push in between every strand of blonde hair to finally grab them all by the roots, keeping her in place as she tilts her head a bit aside to allow her tongue access to invade the space between the blonde's slightly parted lips.   
Jen doesn't yet know how to react to this whole situation. But as she feels how a warm, encouraging tongue greets her own right inside the entrance of her mouth, she loses her mind completely. It no longer matters if this is wrong or right, stupid or the most amazing thing she has ever accomplished, she wants her, she needs her, now.   
  
She spins them around, light fingers make one last effort to pull the Latina as close as bodies can physically get against each other, in a rough move, forcing olive arms to rest upon strong, pale shoulders. Short nails digging into cold, smooth thighs, forcing them to tighten around her waist as bare feet leaves the floor. Tanned hands are everywhere, grabbing everything, leaving no part of the other woman untouched as their kisses develop from innocent, gentle and examining, to passionate, deep, and unexpectedly wholeheartedly. Both of them, having no what so ever intention to put an end to this, stumbles upon not only each other but also bags and random objects lying all over the floor, on their way to the most comfortable piece of furniture they can find. Elegant calves hit the bed and the older woman pulls the other one down with her onto white, cold sheets as she falls backward, though it doesn't take long before that bedding is warmer than every other fabric in the whole cabin as heated bodies desperately move among them.   
  
Just as Jen's fingers get a hold of the darker woman's loose, old pink, silk blouse, she gets stopped by a slender hand that roughly grabs her jaw and pulls her close enough to feel the heavy breathing against her lips as the other woman states,   
"You know how to do this, don't you?"   
It comes out breathlessly and so lustfully that Jen flushes in both embarrassment and eagerness. If she had thought the woman's voice was a turn on before, she had definitely underestimated it.   
She doesn't answer the question aloud, for what comes next will be her answer.   
  
Her own tank top is pulled over her head and lies on the rug beneath the bed within mere seconds and buttons on the other woman’s blouse are unbuttoned in even less time by the hand of the skillful blonde,   
"And you called Colin the one handed wonder..?"   
Jen smirks as she whispers, seeing the evident eye roll on the other actress's face before the joke is long gone from their minds as pale lips crash onto the skin of a dark, exposed neck.   
There aren't many things that can send fire to Jen's core and make it pool at the lowest point of her stomach, but the Latina's breathless moans and unintentional movements caused by satisfaction are written in capitals on that list. She has yet to explore the brunette's weaknesses though, but that's a challenge she gladly accepts. Just the tiniest thought of pleasing this woman to the fullest causes her eyes to mentally roll into the back of her head and her mouth to water.   
  
Black leggings are pulled off from herself with a single tug and becomes brutally torn and unusable in the process. The white tank top slides off the edge of the mattress and down to companion the other garments on the floor. The younger woman's hand soon slides along tanned skin, across a slightly muscular abdomen, a distinct hip bone, down to find a silky groin where it stops its exploring.   
She grabs and wraps the thin but wide, black lace she finds there, two rounds around her index finger to be able to pull her closer, to feel her heat and her skin pressed against her own. A sharp gasp escapes the other woman's throat as her back, without premonition suddenly is forced into an arch, her lower back hovers somewhat above the bed, abs connecting with the lighter woman currently dominating her. Keeping her in place, the blonde makes a trace of gentle but lustful kisses starting at her jawbone, continuing down her neck, collarbone, sternum, reaching her bellybutton. She can feel how the sensation sends intense chills down the brunette's spine as her soft skin right above the edge of her lace lingerie forms into a rougher surface as tiny hairs rise, tickling her craving lips. Oh how she wants more of this lady. 

She carefully lowers the heavily breathing woman down to the bed again, before crawling forward like a lion ready to devour its prey, making them aligned with each other when hungry eyes lock at one another.   
Lana’s slight, ironically sweet, apple scented breath dances with her own through the comparatively cold air, escaping the barely existing space between them as new exhalations overrun them.   
She keeps looking at her and for a moment, and in the dark depth of her eyes, she can spot and define every emotion that flashes through those chocolate orbs. She’s not having her husband in her thoughts right now, she's not nervous unlike the blonde in this moment, and she is not going to stop. It's like there's no whatsoever wrong with what they're doing, yet Jen knows she's not really allowed to do this. Lana isn't hers.   
  
As the woman below notices her brief hesitation, she takes matters into own hands and sneaks her palms around the fit body in front of her, round to her back and snaps the bra right open. As it slides down the other woman’s arms she awakens from her daydreams and lifts a hand to get it off completely before she throws it to the ground. It feels like she’s managing gold, or something so fragile but also dangerous. Poisonous but addictive. Like she needs to touch her to survive but knows that it’s a crime. 

A hand that runs up a darker thigh, gently sneaks under the edge of lace, feeling her all the way down and firmly sets at her core right when emerald eyes meet coffee, just to feel if she wants it as much as she does and to make her want it even more. And she’s with no doubt  _ urgent _ . As she enters her warm wetness with nervous, exploring fingers, wanting to feel as much of her as she can and is allowed to, green orbs lose their sight of brown as they disappear behind fluttering lids. Then everything goes fast.   
  
Olive hands once again invade the mane of golden curls, keeping a handful each firmly in both of her fists. A pale one is steady on the bed, keeping her up until she gets pulled down by the woman beneath, and lands onto a soft figure of heat. She finds the same wide strip of lace she had recently had been holding on to, grabs it again, but this time she pulls them downwards among hungry kisses, as far as she can, until the darker woman can kick them off from her toes. Meanwhile, the younger woman has gotten rid of the upper piece of underwear.   
For the first time, her hands travel across her coworker's skin in a different, inappropriate, once again forbidden, way. Caressing, almost pressing her hands against sensitive areas, gently pinching both cores low beneath her collarbones between her fingers to make the darker woman clench her eyes shut in want.   
  
She’s beautiful without her clothes. Jen knows that she’s not supposed to let her mind wander right now, but she simply can’t prevent it from doing just that.    
Her soft breasts fit perfectly in her hands and the hardened cores draw patterns in her palms as she moves her hands in slow motion to feel her to the fullest. She could do this for much longer than she’s supposed to, but it’s obvious to her that her mistress underneath her wants more, and that’s now.    
  
In an instant, Jen snatches out of her thoughts and grabs the hands of the brunette as if it was planned long ago, only to slam them down to the pillows on each side of her head. Predatorily, the blonde dives forward to let her teeth land directly on now clearly visible veins and tongue moisten the tanned flesh hungrily as the older woman's lunges are entirely drained of air.    
The urge of hearing the already satisfied woman use her deep, melodic voice is getting overwhelming at this moment, though she doesn’t want to rush. She wants this moment to last as long as it possibly can.    
  


__________

 

She loves the feeling of that long, silky hair moving along her chest, tickling her chin, warming her throat, as the blonde’s mouth is exploring every inch of skin she is giving her access to. She just wants to grab her by the mane, push her down and give orders to please her immediately, but she tries her best to be patient. Why end this quicker than necessary? Her breathing is heavy and loud enough to make the blondes eager grow even wilder than it already is, and she feels how the light hair disappears out of reach beneath her. Before she knows it, two arms are wrapped around her thighs, snatching her away from the pillows and closer to the foot end of the bed. She can't help but let a drawn-out moan fall together with her jaw as a warm, playful tongue slides in between wet folds, just teasing to get her full attention before she stops, to place kisses out along tense inner thighs.    
Olive fingers hover down along equally dark, smooth skin, until reaching what they've been missing holding onto these few seconds that have passed - a mess of lighter hair. She let her slender limbs get totally entangled into the golden locks, and as the same warm tongue comes back to once again tease her, she forcefully pulls the lighter woman towards her as a way to tell her to go on, without any particular success.    
  
"..Jen-"   
  
The blonde notices the quiet hiss from the impatient woman above her as well as she feels the grip of her hair, knowing how much want and frustration she's putting into this woman right now.    
Sticking to her plan, she answers her pleading mistress by digging her nails deep into the skin of curvy hips before she suddenly, roughly pulls her closer and takes a hearty taste of the Latina, whose mouth wordlessly falls open at the sensation. Knuckles turn paler than the hair they're entangled to, long ebony eyelashes flutter shut, and teeth clench together so tight, the outline of her utterly tense jaws are clearly visible in the corner of the younger woman's eye as she buries her tongue deep inside of her, tasting every inch of her, letting nothing go to waste. As she twists her tongue, slowly returning it back into her mouth, the brunette lets out a melodic moan of pleasure, throaty enough to make the blonde's mouth literally water. Letting her tongue play and move, touch and feel every bit of sensitive area, only makes the moans grow in number as well as volume as her movements become faster, rougher, deeper. When she reaches the point to where the older woman's back arches and her moaning has turned to cries, she enters her with two slender digits, slowly, but  _ oh _ so deeply. It's like it all starts over, for the Latinas mouth once again snaps wordlessly open, gasping for air from indescribable satisfaction. 

 

The nonexisting ability to handle it any longer makes her whole body tremble, longing so badly to get to fall over the edge, yet she can't because a certain blonde is making sure it remains that way. Pulling her hair, groaning all of her different nicknames, not even bucking her hips will help. She is in the hands of the younger woman now, she's in charge, and she has no intention of changing that fact.    
Pale fingers dig further, filling her fully, making sure the feeling is completely swallowing her senses. Her body nor mind no longer knows how to react to this euphoria, her voice is shaking more than her legs and her fist is starting to cramp from holding on to the blonde's hair too hard for way too long. The other hand that had been free for a while, is now grabbing onto the soft sheets, making them crumple between her tan fingers. The blonde is well aware of that another tiny move with her dedicated tongue, will definitely, intensively push the Latina over the edge. 

Even though the orgasm hits her hard as the blonde uses the last seconds to push herself a little deeper, using her mouth to the fullest, she does a great job keeping a controlled face as her mouth falls open one last time, though this time not so wordlessly. Can you believe? Even then she looks like a queen. Though the blonde feels like her hair is going to get ripped off from her scalp at any time, she puts all her last effort to make the most of the brunette’s way down from seventh heaven. Enjoying every sound, every tense movement, every cry, pull, arch, shiver. Her voice isn’t as husky when she cries out in pleasure, but that does  _ definitely _ not make it less attractive, quite the opposite in fact.  

 

Just as she has placed kisses all over her groins, hip bones and stomach, letting the brunette regain her senses, they hear footsteps outside the door. Their eyes lock in panic and quickly, together, they hold their breath and remain as still as they can. It’s probably just someone passing on their way to the bathroom but to be on the safe side, they stay frozen in their spot until they’re sure there’s no one overhearing their activities on the other side of the door. 

As silence once again settles in the cabin, quiet giggles fill their room and Jen, with a soft blush across her cheeks, makes a last effort to push herself to the brunette’s level.    
  


___________

 

Lana lies limp beneath the blonde whose eyes are wandering, focusing, exploring her bare body so intensively she hasn't even noticed her face has lost its smile and now wears a simple frown and a look of realization. 

  
"You're uncomfortable?"   
  
The darker woman half states half asks, already recovered from the passionate, intimate act and all the heavy breathing coming with it.    
Moss eyes flutter open and lock with mocha ones underneath her.    
  
"No..! Not at all, I just..."   
  
She let herself get lost in those dark, immersive eyes for a moment before she continues,   
  
"I can't believe this."   
  
A soft smile comes upon the brunette’s face and a hand comes up to caress the cheek of the woman above her, stalked by her gaze it continues its course down her jawline, neck, down along her arm and stops, as eyes meet again.    
  
"You're pretty."   
She mimics, it's barely audible, if at all, but the blonde can read her lips like it's the only thing she's been doing during her thirty-seven years on this planet. Her cheeks take on a deep pink color and an unavoidable smile grows rather quickly across her entire face.    
Her colleague -or perhaps now lover?- is definitely doing this intentionally. She knows since she's aware of how well the brunette reads people and Jen is, whether she wants it or not, an open book to her.    
And insecurity and shyness are the first two chapters that Lana knows for certain is written inside that petite porcelain-pale body.    
  
"... I like your voice."   
The lighter actress admits as if she just agreed to have a heartfelt exchange of confessions together with the now carefully listening brunette.   
"I like when it's. loud, trembling and completely.. falling apart..."   
  
The eyes below her darken tremendously and pearl white teeth grab and bite down a full lower lip. They both are well aware that what just occurred won't happen again tonight, or any night soon. But one can pretend.    
Tan fingers come up once again, to unravel those golden tangles that she herself unconsciously has caused during their love making minutes ago. Her eyes following her own every movement, as green ones still are locked on hers. It was such a weird and forbidden sensation, having this middle aged, married, beautiful, coworker underneath her, against her skin, in her hair, on her tongue... Yet it felt so familiar, and oh so right. She wants to say so many things, just open her mouth and let everything she feels so deeply, fall out as words off of her tongue. But there's nothing to say that really matters. Whatever she feels right now, and whatever she might think about this intoxicating lady, is prohibited to feel. It's not allowed to even wander that direction in her mind with her beautiful yet inappropriate thoughts. But she can't contain herself even if she tried. She has fallen so hard for this being, and her weakened knees won't allow her to stand again. She doesn't want to either. She would rather spend her whole life reliving this particular night. 

__________

 

A porcelain arm belonging to the now sleeping mistress gets wrapped carefully around her stomach and that's when it hits her. Flooded with guilt, that has been growing inside her for weeks but was never really meant to be just that - guilt smashes inside her body like a tidal wave and completely submerges her conscience. 

The early mornings with extreme nausea. The black and white pictures in her wallet. No more use of corsets on set. Her happy, overly generous husband. The sudden walks with Lola as the cast had barbecue nights. The unusual disinterest in alcohol, The unexpected breakdowns she never wanted to talk about because honestly, she never really knew where that anger or sadness came from herself. 

After weeks after one vanished period and eventually a couple of tests, she was certain. But Jen doesn't have a clue. She was never supposed to be involved and she is so heartbreakingly sure that the sleeping beauty beside her will break when she finds out that she rather keeps it from her until the winter break of the show takes place, and everybody returns back home for a while. Perhaps then, when they won’t have to face each other, she could let her know. 

Shit, what had she done?


	7. Stupid Butterflies

 

A white blouse detailed with flowers flies across the bed and hits Jen in the face as the brunette hurries to get their clothes back on in the morning. Everyone else is already up eating breakfast and they have to figure out a way to get out of the room without it looking suspicious.

 

“I’ll get out first and then you can-”

 

“I’ll figure something out.”

The blonde waves towards the brunette in a shooing manner, as a way of telling her it’d be great if she could get out as soon as possible.

 

“Yeah… I'm just gonna-”

She points towards the bathroom before she sneaks out the door, opens it just enough for her to be able to get out and no eyes to get in.

 

“Lana? Did you wake up _now_?”

The others sound surprised, and she is just as surprised as them for being so.

 

She doesn’t answer them, just heads towards the bathroom a bit quicker than usual, which fortunately seems to go unnoticed by the group of people by the dining table. She falls to her knees in front of the toilet, holding onto the seat to keep her balance as she closes her eyes to keep herself from throwing up. It takes a lot though, every little scent, even a thought of the wrong thing will cause her to feel extremely sick. This is nothing like food poisoning when you throw up and it’s all good afterwards. No, this comes back when you least expect it and every time you wake up, making you want to just stay in the bathroom for nine months.

After ten minutes of struggle, she eventually manages to defeat the nausea and get out from the crowded room she's starting to get tired of already.

 

“Bad stomach?”

Ginny grins, obviously just messing with her friend who’s on her way to join them the table. Before sitting down besides her pixie-haired colleague, she nods and rolls her eyes,

 

“Very.”

Just as she has made herself comfortable on the bench together with the others, the smell of bacon reaches her nose. And of course, in an instant, the sickness is back, pushing her to rush to the bathroom again. She pushes back though and refuses to let it get to her.

 

“You okay?”

The other woman sounds slightly worried as she sees the brunette go tense and struggles with something she can’t really put her finger on.

 

“Yeah, I’m- fine.”

She attempts to discreetly cover her nose with a finger or two, hoping the person who eats bacon will do it quickly. But for now, it helps.

 

“Did Fred stay overnight?”

Ginny sips her earl gray as she asks, curiously waiting for Lana’s answer. She gets a bit taken aback by the question. Or, not necessarily the question, but the thought of what _actually_ happened last night.

 

“Uhm, no. Why do you ask?”

 

“Really?”

Her colleague _smirks._ Oh god no. It’s the worst thing that could happen but it’s happening; Lana blushes, badly. Her cheeks are burning and she knows for certain that it’s evident and looks the other way to hide it, although her friend has already noticed it. She wasn’t _that_ loud, was she?

 

“Well uh…”

 

She is saved, as a certain blonde comes in through the front door of the cabin, drawing everyone's attention.

 

“Uh, hi everyone.”

 

“Jen? I haven’t heard anyone leave the cabin this morning? Where have you been?”

Lana’s keeps her eyes on the blonde to make sure she doesn’t screw up her answer she’s about to give Ginny.

 

“Oh uh… Well, that’s strange, I left just before breakfast. Just felt I needed to get some air, it’s so crowded in here, you know...”

With a light shrug, she walks up to the women and takes a seat next to Lana, who’s now pretending to eat and drink like nothing’s happened.

 

“... I climbed out the window.”

The sudden whisper makes the brunette choke on her orange juice and burst into a rich laughter that, whether she like it or not, makes the whole crew turn their heads. Even Jen herself get’s slightly surprised by the other woman’s sudden and loud reaction, but giggles together with her within seconds and isn’t sure if it is because of the situation or because of Lana’s beautiful, contagious laughter.

It’s obvious that no one else around the table has heard what the younger woman told her, because they all look equally as confused. They shake it off quickly though as the brunette apologizes and when they all just smile, shrug and go back to eating their yogurt and eggs, she throws an eye Jen’s way.

 

“You’re insane.”

 

The blonde just smiles back widely, looking childishly proud. She shines today. She looks happier than she has been in months, and that _aches_ in the older woman’s chest.

 

____________

 

When the breakfast is over, they all return to their rooms to pack their things. It’s the last day in the cabin for this time and they need the whole day to clean up the party from yesterday and the day before that. The only thing Jen and Lana have to clean is their messy sheets that the brunette is too ashamed to even touch. Jen throws the pillows at her that she quickly punches to the ground as they come flying through the air towards her. She’s aiming at her face but without success since the brunette’s responsiveness is on point.

 

“Jen just-..! Change the bedding quickly so that we can get out of her as soon as possible.”

Jen just laughs, watching the uncomfortable older woman trying to avoid everything that has to do with the bed, hands on hips.

 

“As you please, your Majesty.”

Green eyes are set on the pillowcases that she’s working with in front of her and cannot see the brunette’s head tilt followed by an eye roll, but she can clearly hear the loud sigh and grins at the sound.

 

The darker woman walks over to the door and closes it when she hears how they pull out the vacuum cleaner to clean the hall. Just as it clicks, two arms unexpectedly sneak around her waist and a warm figure gets pushed up against her back, pinning her against the door. She gasps, feeling those slender hands move down her legs, as lips move up along her neck. One of her own hands moves up to grab the blonde around the neck.

 

“Jen…”

 

… don’t, is what she want’s to say, but it just won’t leave her vocal cords.

Every little move the other woman makes, makes her insides burn. She shouldn’t let her continue, they should just keep cleaning up the room. Carefully she turns around, ready to encourage her colleague to finish what they started before she closed the door and got pressed up against it. But just as she turns around, pale lips crashes onto her own and fingers entangle against the wood. A knee parts her legs and the pressure against the door increases.

She doesn’t want to stop. She has to, but she definitely doesn’t want to, not now. The kiss deepens, tongues meet and doesn’t stop touching until they are in desperate need of air. She tastes so good. She smells amazing, her hair is so soft and her warmth is so inviting. A couple of kisses won’t hurt anyone, right?

She lies her arms around the lighter woman, lovingly, just holding her close as she enjoys the tongue playing along her skin up her neck. The door moves as they move, and there’s no doubt the crew outside have begun to wonder what’s going on in there.

A knock on the door makes lips part suddenly.

 

“Hey, what are you doing in there? Cleaning the door?”

Josh chuckles right before Lana unlocks and opens up and finds that they had stopped vacuuming a long time ago.

 

“Yeah, I’m a perfectionist, and for your information, door handles are one of the most filthy areas bacterial wise and I’m bet my ass none of you wash your hands after every time you’ve been to the bathroom.”

The brunette quirks a brow that has the whole crew silence in guilt. Sometimes she tends to take on the mayor role even outside of the show, and it has the exact same effect on her colleagues in real life.

She passes the bathroom, where Emelie is washing her hands,

 

“As goes for towels.”

 

The brunette by the sink stops herself from grabbing the cloth just centimeters from it with her dripping hands and decides to grab a couple of paper towels instead.

Jen is still standing in the doorway, trying to sort out her messy hair by discreetly running her fingers through it.

 

“Jen, continue what you started.”

The brunette points towards the unmade bed in their room and Jen obeys her orders as if she actually is the queen, almost scared of what she’s capable of doing to her if she doesn’t do what she says.

 

As the older woman keeps bossing around, making sure the whole cabin is being restored to its original state, Jen obediently makes the room nearly glisten, if it hadn’t been made from wood that is. When she’s done she sneaks up in the doorway once again, leans against the frame and just watches as the Latina embraces her temper, showing off the perhaps most dominant side that she possesses. She obviously is urgent to get home, gritting her teeth, pointing in directions for her colleagues to look for dust.

It’s oddly charming, and the blonde’s smile widens more for every move the luscious woman she made love to last night, makes until there’s a familiar knock on the front door. She already recognizes the sound, it was the exact same sound that had interrupted their conversation yesterday. The corners of her mouth drop in an instant, and she turns around and walks back into the room to avoid having to see the brunette throw herself into that man’s arms again.

She can hear the sound of the door open, the sound of his voice that she feels so bad for loathing, the sound of _her_ voice that she feels so horrible for adoring, the sound of their bodies meeting in a loving hug that makes her feel lonelier than she has ever felt in her entire life. Like she had lost something that she hadn’t even been having in the first place.

She’s afraid of looking him into the eyes after what she has done, what she had stolen but returned before anyone noticed. Would Lana tell him about this? Would he blame his wife for it, or would he blame her?

 

“Hi Jennifer!”

 

She spins around, and of course, the man she was trying to avoid is standing in the doorway, with his wife wrapped in his arm. She almost feels sick and the urge of getting out of there is overwhelming.

 

“Hi… Uhm, I actually gotta go.”

She grabs her bag which is the last of hers in the room and storms pass the two. Lana is constantly watching her. She knows what’s going on and tries to gently grab her by the arm as she approaches the exit as if to make her stay, but it’s like she doesn’t even notice.

 

Once outside, she throws the backpack towards the timber wall of the cottage and makes it slam against it before it lands in the greasy mud below. Why does this have to happen to her? Why are all those _stupid_ butterflies still fluttering around in her chest? And why on earth didn’t the brunette stop her when she could’ve prevented all of this? Why didn’t she stop it _herself_?

She just wants to go home. To forget about these days in the cabin and read a good book together with Ava on the couch in her trailer. Her home.

 

_____________

 

The bus trip home is so noisy one could believe it was a school bus and not a bus full of professional actors. Jen is in the back, always in the back, listening to relaxing music through her earphones while looking out the window. Her eyes wander every now and then, to the seat in front of her, to the floor, throughout the window on the other side, and to the lonely brunette to the left, one seat ahead of her. Fred had taken his own car and brought Lana’s stuff back to the city so that she wouldn’t have to carry it with her on the long ride. And now she’s sitting all by herself by the window, fiddling with her fingers, looking like she needs company. But why would Jen be the one to give that to her?

Well, simply because she can’t resist.

Slowly, she gets up from her seat, putting her headphones back onto her backpack before she approaches the woman in front of her. Right before she claims the seat besides her, chocolate eyes looks in surprise at her, like the brunette hadn’t at all expected Jen to come make her company.

 

“Hi…”

 

It’s a sheepish hello, very alike the one where Emma met Regina for the first time in Storybrooke, and the older woman’s face reminds her of that moment too.

 

“Hey, I’m sorry…”

 

Her eyes are slightly watery and the words come out as if they had been stuck in her throat for a long time.

 

“For what?”

 

The blonde quirks a brow, unsure of why she seems so bothered.

 

“For showing up with Fred like that in our room, it was rude of me to just bash in like that.”

 

“Well…”

Jen is unsure of what to respond. It _was_ kind of distasteful to storm into their common room with her husband around her neck, as if they were the luckiest couple alive, when in reality it obviously wasn’t quite like that. Or was it?

“It’s okay.”

 

“I will make up to you, I promise. How about an invitation over to my place tonight? I’ll make you a glass of the best drink you’ve ever tasted.”

 

She smirks. Oh that was intentional. Such a Once Upon A Time rip-off.

Jen rolls her eyes before nodding decisively, gladly accepting the brunette’s offer.

 

“But how about… We go to my place instead?”

 

The older woman’s face softens into a positive smile.

“Deal.”

 

“I still want that drink, though.”

 

____________

The journey takes about an hour before they finally can grab their bags and get off the metal coffin on wheel. It’s about 5 pm and most of them are hungry.

Lana closes the door to Jen’s trailer just as they both have entered the silent but cozy little crib. Just as the blonde has gotten her jacket and shoes off, she walks over to the kitchen to look for ingredients for the drinks in her fridge and cupboards. It doesn’t take long before she can feel a warm breath against her neck, and light fingertips that slide along her arm that is steady on the cold stove and eventually set on her hips.

 

“I can show you how to make a little specialty of mine…”

The brunette’s words are a melodic whisper and it makes the younger woman shiver, but in a _very_ pleasant kind of way. She then presses the woman she possesses, even tighter against the stove and moves her golden locks to the side to get better access to what her eyes have been devouring this whole time. Now it’s her teeth’s turn. Like a predator, she buries her fangs in soft, pale flesh and makes the blonde squirm in surprise as well as arousal. Hands wander from thighs to waist, to breasts, only to grab onto the most sensitive areas she’s got on her chest to feel every bit of her, with every drop of lust she’s got. Just as Jen’s about to turn around and meet the hungry brunette, a phone rings. They both look around for a second before Lana realizes it’s hers that’s calling. She gets it out of her pocket and answers quickly whilst trying to catch her breath at the same time.

  


“Hey Fred, what’s wrong?”

 

“ _Nothing’s wrong honey, I’m just calling to tell you we need to leave at 9:45, so I need you to be home til then. Where are you anyway?”_

 

“Oh, right. Uhm… I’m at Jen’s place, we’re just having a couple of drinks, I’ll make sure I’ll be home in time.”

 

“Perfect! _Also, You have this appointment for an ultrasou-”_

 

“-Yeah, yeah I know. I’ll be home soon, bye.”

 

She hangs up as if she’s in a hurry. With a sigh, she puts the phone back down into her pocket, hoping the blonde didn’t overhear the conversation even though she was quick enough to end the call before her husband got to specify anything about that appointment.

Jen takes a step closer, slowly slipping her fingers around Lana’s arm, tickling down along the palm of her hand and is just about to grab onto it tightly when Lana takes a step back.

 

"I have to go..."

 

Jen can immediately spot the sudden dejection and discomfort in her eyes.

 

"I'm sorry.”

She apologizes, so quickly her words could be taken for a continuation of her colleague's sentence.

 

"Don't be, I'm just in a hurry."

The brunette quickly explains as she notices how the other woman takes the blame for what just happened, but she just couldn’t let this continue any further for obvious reasons.

 

"..Where are you going?"

 

"Out... With Fred. We're gonna go out on kind of a.. double date with some friends.." There's obvious hesitation in between her words, and as it takes place, leaving gaps for her mind to come to terms with what’s really going on, she realizes mid-sentence how awful it all sounds. What is she doing?

"I'm sorry."

 

"Don't be, you're just married."

The irony makes the corner of the blonde's mouth curl upwards as she speaks. This whole thing is just terribly ridiculous.

 

Lana's head falls slightly aside as if to show that she knows and understand that she is upset, and at the same time wants to apologize but knows for sure that it doesn't matter. It won't make the situation easier.

 

“I’m sorry…”

She mimics. It’s a whisper, barely audible. She always does that, when she’s truly sorry. She’s a person with a lot of feelings, a lot of compassion and utterly few flaws, so whenever she actually does something wrong, she doesn’t really know neither what to say or do. It’s something she is not used to. That’s perhaps also what makes this so complicated, because _everything_ is wrong with what they’re doing, and none of them knows how to make things right.

 


	8. Unnecessary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reminder: I ship Flana more than anything, so anything that happens in the fic is only for the story and some drama, thanks for observing. :)

What did she feel for her? Was she as obsessed with her as the currently daydreaming woman was with the blonde? Things had seemed so real, so genuine, so full of want, until something always interrupted them. The older woman never seemed to regret anything until something reminded her of that that’s in fact how it should be. She should feel sorry, guilty, bad, but she didn’t when she could forget about it instead, forget the truth. She took every little chance her mind gave her to feel like she was doing the right thing, to believe she knew what she wanted and needed though that was not the case at all. Although she was married and in love, there was something missing and she couldn’t seem to figure out the reason to why she felt like that. Why she couldn’t stop thinking about those moss green eyes, the bright golden strand of hair wrapped around her finger, the slim, feminine figure that was so unfamiliar to her, yet addictive to touch so intimately it’s sinful.  
She wanted to do so many things to her that night, it just simply didn’t happen because she didn’t want to have that guilt on her shoulders. She didn’t want to be able to say that she actually had done something to someone else than her husband. It was supposed to feel less like cheating since she didn’t touch the blonde the same way she took care of her, but did it really? Yes, it actually did. And now that’s the reason for her bad conscious instead.

It has only been two days since the night at the cabin. One day since she left the woman she craves so badly to kiss, in the street to go on a date her beloved husband, and today she just feels conflicted. They are free from work this day and both of them have each other in their thoughts, yet no one is contacting the other. Perhaps is it because Jen takes for granted that the usually busy brunette will spend this beautiful day with her man, or because Lana feels way too ashamed of what she has done and that feeling just grows with every minute, just like the tiny, new life inside of her which only makes things worse.  
Not until the blonde sees the older woman’s husband outside Josh’s trailer, chilling in the sun and having a dude chat like they do sometimes, she realizes that Lana might actually be home alone and it would be a great opportunity to take Ava out for a walk if she decided to visit her colleague.

\---

“- Hey, Jen! What are you doing here?”

The brunette is beaming, so it’s not like she's not welcome, she’s just surprised to see her and happily so.

“- I saw that Fred was chatting with Josh at his place and I thought you might use a buddy. I had to take Ava out for a walk anyway so…”

“- Come in.”

She hangs her beige coat on the hook next to the door that Lana closes behind them before putting a hand on the younger woman’s lower back.

“- Sit down for god’s sake! You look like you’re ready to flee at any time.”

The brunette laughs, that melodic kind of chuckle that Jen has missed ever since… well, yesterday.

“Thank you but I’m good, I prefer standing.”

Lana shrugs and makes a funny sound escape the corner of her mouth.

“As you wish, sheriff.”

She walks past the blonde and sits down by the dining table to at least rest her own legs after the early morning walk with Lola. Jen is looking around the crib, it’s a little messier than her own but it’s probably because of Fred’s visit. Her hands wander across the countertop, running over the items lying around the kitchen area when something catches her eye.

“Lana...What is this?”

She becomes so quiet after asking the question that it alone catches the brunette’s attention and makes her turn her head to find out what she has found now.  
The brunette's eyes widen and a chill runs along her spine as they set on the wallet that Jen is holding up before her, showing her the black and white ultrasound pictures inside of it. Shit. The anxiety grows so quickly that she feels nauseous for a moment before she suddenly realizes she needs to use her acting skills as fast as possible to save herself from this situation.

“Oh. Didn’t I tell you? My sister is having a baby.”

She can clearly spot how all the worry, confusion and fear just runs off the blonde, which should feel relieving but suddenly feels like it was the opposite of what she wanted. She just lied her straight up her face, and sooner or later she will know and this moment will just make that day worse.

“Oh, that’s amazing!! You must be so excited! You guys are pretty close right, aren’t you?”

The brunette just nods across the room, it’s too late to be honest now.  
Jen keeps fascinatingly looking at the pictures and the only thing Lana wants right now is for her to put them down, change the subject and forget about them completely. But she walks over to the couch where her colleague is sitting, wallet in hand and sits down.

 

“Haven’t you and Fred thought about having children together?”

 _Oh_ god, not this conversation. Lana scoffs.

“I’m too old for that now, don’t you think..?”

“Cut the crap Lana, you’re not even close to getting old! I know that deep down you want a baby to cuddle days on end.”

What was she supposed to say? Was Jen okay with this after all? Perhaps she wouldn't have the mental break down the older woman had imagined her to have if she told her. Anyhow it’s too late, she has already screwed her chance to tell her the honest kind of way. The only thing that gives Jen away right now and tells her that no, she wouldn’t be fine with this news, is the sadness growing in those emerald orbs after her own statement and the only way to stop it is to talk about something else.

“I heard Jared caught the flu yesterday, do you know anything about the shoot tomorrow?”

She looks at Jen like she’s really curious and concerned about it when in reality she knows that the shoot is canceled since yesterday noon after their little star called in sick.

“Well, Eddie said it was canceled as long as he doesn’t recover before then, but that’s rather unlikely to happen…”

“Ah…”  
The older woman keeps her eyes on the spoon that’s swimming around in her half filled cup of coffee as a way of passing the time, while the blonde feels as if she has made herself gloomy for no reason while overthinking like she usually does.

“Maybe I should go… I have dishes to do at home and.. yeah…”

Brown eyes suddenly snap up to almost mentally pull the blonde closer to prevent her from leaving.

“ _Don’t_..! I mean… what’s wrong? Something is bothering you.”  
The brunette knows exactly what’s bothering her and she'd rather not receive an answer that she can pile onto her already bad conscience, but just had to ask anyway for good manner's sake. The woman across the table squirms and feels ridiculous for being this jealous of something like this and she’s definitely not gonna talk to her friend about it.

“I’m… sorry. I just feel a little down. Nothing to worry about.”

Lana gets up from her seat and walks over to the pretty but worn out lady around the table and lies an arm around her as she sits down.

“Hey…”

The whisper puffs against a slightly flushed ear as the older woman stuffs a golden strand of hair behind it.

“Of course I get worried if you feel down.”

Even though Jen’s glare is aimed towards her knee, she can feel the big, warm, dark eyes on her, soothing her even though she’d rather feel strong enough to reject the feeling of needing the comforting from the woman who’s the reason for all the discomfort in the first place. She still doesn’t move a finger.

“Look at me.”

Suddenly a couple of slender hands are cupping her slightly blushed cheeks and are directing her face towards darker features.

“Listen to me, I know what you’re thinking. I know that this situation is… strange. But don’t put the blame on yourself.”

The words enter the blonde’s ears, but somewhere on the way to her senses they fade and there’s not a single change on her still expressionless face. Lana waits another ten seconds before she takes a deep breath, lets go of her cheeks and grabs her hand instead.

“Come. Let’s go grab a cigarette, you need to see at least _some_ kind of light in your life right now.”

Pulling the younger woman out the door, she grabs a pack of cigarettes that she has hidden deep in a drawer in the hall for emergencies much like this. Once outside she hands Jen one and puts another between her lips while looking through her coat pockets for a lighter. Jen is standing quiet, looking at the cigarette as if she hasn’t seen one before. She has, though, she’s just wondering how a tube filled with poison will solve any of her problems right now. She doesn’t look up until she hears the click as the other woman sets fire to the paper stick in her mouth. She hands the lighter over to the blonde who carefully takes it and tries to make her own glow as well, without success. The brunette chuckles as clouds of smoke trickle out of her mouth, and the cigarette between her two fingers rests as if it’s a natural thing for it to do.

“Here, let me help you.”

She quickly steals it out of a pale hand and almost magically makes a flame appear in front of her eyes, making the stubborn tip finally burn. Jen inhales deeply, something she shouldn’t have done. The thick smoke burns down her airways making it impossible not to choke on it and burst into a fit of coughing. The older woman struggles not to laugh but can’t avoid looking at the bothered lady in front of her with pity.

“Don’t look at me like that…”

Dark eyebrows shoot up and eyes sarcastically apologetically set on the ground before a wide smirk grows across the brunette’s face.  
She tries again, this time a bit more carefully, but it still stings all the way down her throat and the sensation that is supposed to be making her feel better is nothing but unpleasant.

“Do you smoke?”

She looks at Lana as if she’s some kind of extraterrestrial for being able to inhale that stuff. The brunette shrugs and looks at the addiction she used to have.

“I did. Not anymore though. Or well-”

She nods towards the obvious between her fingers and lets out another chuckle. She knows that she definitely shouldn’t smoke due to the circumstances, but she really doesn’t want to think about that when Jen is around. It’s a stupid way to stay in denial but it works, a little, but enough to get her mind off the chaos if only for a few minutes. She throws an eye at the blonde who has given up on the activity and is waiting for the glow to consume it, and decides to sensually sneak up to her colleague, so close that she has to take a step back not to get cross-eyed as the brunette closes in with a look that knocks the breath out of her.

“Perhaps you prefer to let others do this _for_ you...”

She leans in towards the woman now leaning against the wall of the trailer, eyes staring into emerald before her, almost threateningly as she closes the distance between them almost completely. Jen feels intoxicated by more than the tobacco when the brunette is this close, and she wonders if she’s ever going to dare to make a move of her own before the older woman has already consumed her senses. Probably not. She honestly likes the way this woman can drive her crazy only by looking at her like she’s her prey, as if she’s going to ruin her with both nails and teeth if she shows any signs of life. There’s nothing more she craves than being attacked by this lady, she has no time to think about her own actions.  
As predicted, before she knows, two caressing hands are on her hips, making her almost uncomfortably aroused. Perfectly painted lips approach until they’re just slightly touching pink ones already parted. She opens her mouth and lets thick, gray smoke slowly trickle out between them, from the corners of her mouth, roll over her tongue, leave in a snake-like cloud and enter the blonde’s wide open mouth. Jen is breathless though and doesn’t even notice the gray poison caressing the inside of her mouth. The younger woman drops what she’s holding and it rolls in underneath the trailer never to be seen again.

“- Lana, what are you doing?”

A dark familiar voice suddenly makes itself present behind them. The brunette woman spins around and puts the cigarette behind her back, looking all but innocent.

“What is that?! Give it to me.”

She can see from the look on his face that he’s angry, she knows why and can’t blame him for being so. He stops right in front of her, looking at her as if she’s a disobedient child.

“- _Really_? A cigarette??”

He sighs loudly and she feels too ashamed to look him into the eyes so she shrugs in an attempt to look innocent before she realizes it will just seem more immature if she admits it is as stupid as he states.

“It was just one, we felt we needed to do something relaxing you know..?”

His eyes wander over to JMo and before his wife gets to continue to defend herself he opens his mouth to speak,

“- _You_ needed to relax. I can’t see anything in Jen’s hands?”

She turns around to find the blonde looking childishly innocent and with a look that tells her she really doesn’t want to be involved in their argument. The older woman sighs and turns back to face her husband who is impatiently waiting for her to explain.

“- Well…”

She doesn’t really have anything to say, so she surrenders and hands him the glowing butt.

“I’d like to have a word with you, alone.”

The brunette gives him an “oh come on” look before she realizes there’s no use to start arguing. She turns to Jen who’s already about to make her way home, she tilts her head a little aside as if to apologize and the blonde smiles back as if it’s totally okay.

Once both of them have entered the trailer, Lana is about to head straight to the bed to avoid having this discussion but gets stopped as a hand grabs a hold of her arm. She almost spins around automatically from the strength of his grip and glares at him for scaring her like that.

“- A _word_ , please.”

He’s given an eye roll and a loud sigh as she puts her hands roughly onto her hips.

“- _What?_ ”

“- You know very well why I’m so upset about this-”

“- Oh come on Fred it was _one_ cigarette?! How bad can it be?”

“- It could hurt the baby for _life_ Lana, it’s really bad!”

“- Don’t be ridiculous, I know I shouldn’t smoke but it’s not like a single cigarette is hurtful.”

“- Oh, so you could have a martini as well then and claim the exact same thing, that one cannot be hurting the baby? Is that what you mean?”

She scoffs and shakes her head, he’s turning this into something else.

“- How did alcohol get into the picture?? I had one smoke, get over it.”

She’s about to leave again but he quickly grabs her again to pull her back.

“- Can you stop doing that?! Thanks.”

“- Not if you’re going to continue running away from your problems.”

“- If there’s anyone having a problem here, it’s you. Let it go before you make me need another one!”

“- Another one?? Do you think this is some kind of game? Do you not care about our child’s future at all?”

“- I do! And I would not like him or her to have a father nagging and complaining about every little thing they do, change your manners before I change your fate.”

“-... Are you threatening me with abortion?”

She shrugs, arms crossed over her chest. Fred runs his hand through his hair while he tries to stay sane, this is crazy.

“- You won’t do it. You don’t want to, I know you.”

“- Don’t want to? How would you know what I want or not? We have barely talked about this Fred, it was an _accident_ and you never even asked me if I wanted it. We never agreed to keep it, it has just… turned out to become like that.”

“- Okay so now you’re saying you don’t want it? You want to make an abortion? Okay then, fine. I can book an appointment for you right away!”

He picks up his phone, not paying any attention to the brunette in front of him any longer.

“- Oh, right, you wouldn’t even _care_ if I did..! How stupid of me to not realize that!”

She grabs her jacket and the pack of cigarettes and is just about to open the door when she for the third time gets pulled back, the package gets ripped out of her hand and the jacket thrown to the ground. His fury is obvious while holding up the box in front of her eyes

“- Are you fucking serious?!”.

“- Yeah, can you _believe_ I am?!”

SLAP.


	9. Continuous Escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! I am SO sorry for taking this long to post another chapter, I 've been really busy irl, and to be completely honest I didn't even know people were very into this fic..! :D I am so happy you are though!  
> So here's another chapter that I hope you'll enjoy and I'll REALLY try to be better at updating! Thank you for sticking around! xx

A gasp is thrown out of her mouth and dark hair suddenly covers her vision. Her cheek burns in a way it has never been before and she’s too shocked to move. It takes a few seconds for both of them to realize what he just did.

 

“-... I’m…”

 

He stutters, and the brunette woman finally comes back to her senses and moves a hand up to cover her reddened skin.

 

“- I’m so sorry La-”

 

“- Don’t.”

 

“- No I’m _really_ _sorry_ , honey _listen-_ ”

 

His wife just shakes her head as his desperate apologies try to get to her, and tries to walk past him when she feels how fingers stroke her arm. She throws it up in the air to get rid of them as quickly as possible and storms out the door, not even bothering to grab her jacket on the way out. She knows exactly where she’s heading, and it’s _such_ a bad idea but her fury needs to have an outlet one way or another and this was the first thing that came to her mind.

Once outside the trailer she had been aiming towards, she doesn’t even knock, but slams the door wide open and invites herself, finding a very surprised blonde on the couch. She doesn’t even take off her sneakers before she straddles the other woman and firmly presses her lips against hers. Before the brunette gets to take things any further, Jen gently pushes her away. She chuckles nervously and the lady in her lap looks questioning between the insecure green eyes.

 

“Lana..? What’s _this_ about?”

 

Although the situation is very strange and the atmosphere is equally as tense, the blonde wears a smile upon her flushed face caused by her colleague's actions. The brunette on the other hand, would rather prefer Jen not asking. After all, that would just result in more lies and eventually make _everything_ worse.

She can’t answer. There is no way to avoid lying at this point and she _cannot_ do this to Jen, so she remains silent and her eyes wander to her hand that pulls a strand of blonde hair back behind her ear. She can feel the forest green eyes intensively watching her as if to pull out an answer with the help of mental power. She tilts her head a little to get eye contact with the brunette before her but Lana just won’t look at her.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

The older woman then shakes her head and shrugs lightly, as if to tell it’s nothing at all. Finally a response, but not the one she wanted because she can clearly see that something isn’t right.

 

“Come on Lana, I know when something’s off with you. What has happened?”

 

Jen’s desperate attempts to make her colleague spill something of value just makes the brunette feel very uneasy and regret that she ever came here.

 

“I…”

 

She begins, but has no idea how to continue without twisting the truth, so that is how it has to be.

 

“Fred and I… we had an argument.”

 

Still not making eye contact with the younger woman, she fiddles nervously with the lower buttons on her thin blouse while figuring what to say next.

 

“And I just thought…”

 

Another shrug.

 

“That I’d feel better being here with you.”

 

Finally their eyes meet and a corner of Jen’s mouth curls slightly.

 

“... What were you arguing about? That cigarette?”

 

“Yeah, I know, it’s ridiculous, I just…”

 

“You don’t have to explain.”

 

The brunette now smiles as well, feeling pretty relieved she didn’t have to change the story more than that. The blonde suddenly reaches up to place another warm kiss on the bothered woman’s lips, and another, until Lana drops her gaze as well as her voice.

 

“You’re right, we shouldn’t do this…”

 

Her tone is obvious as she whispers but it’s rather loud compared to their surroundings. Why did it always come to this? Desperate kisses and warm smiles and touches, until conscious strikes and destroys it all. Awkward silence that they both choose to ignore always comes with it.

 

“... I was just about to make dinner, want some?”

 

Jen suddenly says and gets up from her seat and walks over to the fridge.

 

“Oh, uh-.. sure! What are you gonna make?”

 

Green eyes carefully go through every shelf to find something that tickles her tastebuds. Ah! Perfect, she forgot she had bought these in case the crew would have another dinner night together.

 

“These!”

 

Jen happily exclaims and is just about to open the plastic package when Lana reaches out a hand to stop her.

 

“NO, no… Nu-uh.”

 

She’s shaking her head desperately and the blonde is scrunching her face in confusion.

 

“What’s wrong with prawns?”

 

“I-I’m just not very fond of seafood.”

 

“I thought you loved it!? You ate crayfish last year when we shot scenes by the docks when that fisherman came by that Adam and Eddie had.. hired or whatever!”

 

“Yeah but… lately I’ve just… I’ve changed my mind, okay?”

 

The brunette lets out a forced laugh, but fortunately, it goes unnoticed by the blonde that genuinely giggles right back at her.

 

“Okay so… what do you want? To eat I mean.”

 

Lana smirks devilishly.

 

“No Lana.” Jen drawls.

 

“What?”

 

Seductively using her voice, teasingly approaching, biting her lip and watching her like she’s a prey - can never go wrong.

 

“ _Dinner_ , we’re talking about literal food.”

 

Jen tries again but the Latina’s swaying hips and intense gaze is starting to affect her whether she like it or not.

 

“Lana n-”

 

Suddenly plump, warm lips are pressed against hers and her back against the counter behind her. Tan hands are already getting curious and sneaks under the edge of the white, flowery blouse that the blonde is wearing, just barely touching the bare skin above her skin tight jeans. Just as Jen closes her eyes, she hears a faint whisper against her mouth,

 

“Take it off…”

 

“She doesn’t. She _rips_ it off. The older woman roughly grabs the buttons on her jeans and pulls her closer whilst unbuttoning all three of them, rapidly. The desperate kisses deepen and when her pants are ready to nearly fall off, the brunette pushes her into the bedroom where they fall upon each other and continues like they didn’t even notice the thud.

The kisses are uneven, breathless, wet. One on the corner of the mouth, one along the jawline, one on the neck with a lingering tongue that doesn’t stop until two hands grab olive cheeks and pull her up to steal one on the mouth. One where their tongues swirl around each other, tasting the other to the fullest, only pausing as a gray sweater is pulled over and off the older woman’s head. Her hair is already messy, Jen’s too, but it’s the last thing they care about right now.

 

The blonde suddenly breaks away from the kisses and gasps in an attempt to get air to be able to speak,

 

“We should _absolutely_ not do this- but don’t stop! Do it. Do me.”

 

It’s dark in the bedroom, so she wouldn’t be able to see the brunette’s smirk anyway, but she can feel it against her neck as she dives down to devour her exposed skin.

Emerald eyes flutter shut and warms lips are making a trace down her bare chest, fingers imitating but along her curvy sides. A tongue teasing down her pale abdomen and nails tickling down her slightly bucking hips. The warmth from her arms and hands are now gone and to keep them busy she grabs the pillow under her head and tilts her head a bit aside to allow herself to relax some, despite the nerves going crazy in her body and the thoughts spinning around in her head. When she feels nails scratching her groins and how her lace underwear is making their way down her thighs, she unintentionally gasps for air from arousal. She keeps her eyes closed and lets the brunette have free hands, feeling how eager and urgent the older woman is as she nibbles and bites along pale inner thighs.

 

“You’re absolutely stunning…”

 

The whisper against her knee in between warm kisses makes the blonde smile, before that smile completely disappears as her jaw drops, when a hungry mouth out of nowhere comes to completely devour her right at her core and she swears she could’ve exploded right then and there. The tongue that enters her, swirls around every sensitive nerve there is, is not making the feeling any less divine.

 

She’s _so_ wet. She’s flooding, the brunette thinks as she feels how it runs along her chin. That’s certainly not a bad thing though, rather the opposite, and she tastes _so good._ Must have to do with her healthy eating habits. She has seen her eating fruits on set for what must have been at least twice every day and that, according to science and her own tastebuds, makes you taste just as sweet and fruity.

Making her grip around her slim but muscular thighs even tighter, she pulls her a little closer and lets the blonde breathe a little, not completely though, cuz her warm breath is still lingering around her most sensitive places. Slowly, the tip of her tongue draws a gentle pattern from in between her wet folds, up and over the pulsing bundle of nerves and all the way up to her navel before she looks up to see if the younger woman looks content so far, but she gets pushed down just as quickly and with a throaty chuckle she gives in and lets her playful tongue and teeth do what they do best.

 

Needing something to grab onto, Jen desperately reaches down to get a grip on her hair, but the other woman is out of reach and she unconsciously goes for her arm instead. Lana feels this and her eager flares like a fire, but instead of going wild she stops and crawls up over her like a feline until they make eye contact.

 

“Do you have any… you know-”

 

The breathless blonde is looking really confused.

 

“... Toys?”

 

“Oh!! _Lana_?!”

 

The brunette can’t help but laugh at the offended woman, who’s certainly taken aback by her question,

 

“ _Do_ you?”

 

The smirk on the older woman’s face makes the younger one blush, hard. She’s stuttering from trying to find any appropriate words but this whole subject simply makes her feel embarrassed. She gives in, takes her eyes off the brunette over her and points towards the floor.

 

“ _Ha!_ Under the bed? Worst hiding spot ever Jen…”

 

She lowers herself to be able to reach under the bed and grab whatever she finds under there. When feeling something that feels very much like what she’s looking for, she picks it up and holds it in front of her colleague with a brow raised.

 

“What made you choose blue?”

 

“Ha, ha. Those show references aren’t funny woman.”

 

She rolls her eyes and unexpectedly puts the toy in her mouth, the blonde’s eyes widen.

 

“God Lana, _why?_ ”

 

She slowly pulls it out, sucking on it until reaching the tip of it and with a smirk, she moves closer to the other woman.

 

“Because… it makes it easier to do-”

 

She slides it easily into the blonde without premonition, and that pulls a drawn out moan from the light lips in front of her.

 

“-this.”

 

She starts moving it, in a slow rhythmic pace, making the younger woman squirm in pure pleasure. Her breath is almost too shaky to let out any words, but she succeeds to let out a whisper that the brunette soon will prove that she heard,

 

“ _Deeper…_ ”

 

“As you demand, princess.”

 

And deeper she goes. Jen is so relaxed she can fill her with the whole of it without a problem. The groans are more like cries as her voice trembles when she speeds up the pace and slowly sneaks down without the blonde noticing. Though when her tongue also sets a pace, she _does_ notice. Her back arches and her hands are grabbing onto the edge of the mattress as well as the sheets that are currently getting soaked, as pleasure completely floods her senses. Little teeth does the magic and push the lighter woman over the edge like she has never been pushed before. Her bright voice is not even breaking because of the volume it offers, and the brunette enjoys every sound, every second of it.

She slows down, lets her enjoy the last of it and to catch her breath before she pulls it out, wipes her chin dry, and places kisses up along her abdomen.

 

“... Was I okay?”

 

The blonde laughs, breath still all puffy and legs still all shaky. She takes a moment to gather the last of her senses and air before she answers,

 

“Not experienced, are you?.. I didn’t notice though, you were amazing.”

 

The darker woman smiles like a child, prouder than she’d been in ages. She shrugs and eyebrows raise,

 

“I’m a natural.”

 

This time they laugh together.

After a while of loving glances and gentle touches, they both sigh deeply and know that they have to get up whether they want it or not. Lana is the one to take the initiative.

 

“Okay… I’m just going to go and freshen up a little.”

She places a firm kiss on kiss-swollen lips before she gets up from the bed in only her ripped jeans and enters the bathroom.

 

While the brunette is taking a quick shower Jen remembers how hungry she was before the situation trailed way off and how hungry she still is. Those shrimps would be _so_ good right now…

After about exactly seven minutes, the brunette makes her way out of the bathroom again and is met by the most horrible stank she had felt in months and she knows exactly what it is - the prawns.

 

“Oh I thought-...”

 

“We weren’t eating seafood? Well, I figured I can make them for myself and make you some chicken salad instead if you’d prefer?”

 

Lana is already feeling her guts wanting to turn themselves inside out and is trying her best to act casual.

 

“Oh, that’s.. so thoughtful of you. You really don’t have to do that though, I’ve got food at home..!”

She walks over to sit by the table, hoping it doesn’t smell as much in that area, but oh it definitely does.

 

“I’m gonna make some salad for myself anyway, the chicken is defrosted and needs to be cooked before it gets bad, so let me do this.”

 

The woman by the table receives a warm smile from the cook and once green eyes are off of her, she goes back to concentrating on not letting the sickness grow too overwhelming. It’s not working very well though, seafood is the worst and the smell of it being fried is not making anything better. She closes her eyes, perhaps she’s just not trying hard enough.

 

“You’re all pale girl, are you alright??”

 

The brunette nods then takes it back and shakes her head.

 

“What’s wrong? You look sick, do you want me to open a window or something?”

 

“No I’m-...”

She can’t speak, she’ll throw up.

 

“Hey, for real are you okay?”

 

The blonde is looking so worried her heart clenches, but there’s no way she could suppress the nausea right now and how could she lie about it?

 

“Yeah I’m… sit down.”

 

She’s already starting to regret she said that and hear heart is starting to race. Jen is too confused not to obey and slides into the seat in front of her colleague, eyes glued on her.

 

“Okay, there’s… something I need to tell you-...”

  


There’s a knocking sound.

Both women turn their heads towards the door and Jen shouts that it’s okay to come in. The handle moves, the door opens and in comes - Fred. The brunette is almost relieved, because he kind of saved her from this whole situation and at the same time let some fresh air enter the reeking trailer, but it also bothers her, of course.

 

“Oh..!”

Jen turns to Lana almost as to ask if it’s okay she’s letting him in, but she is looking at her husband in the doorway.

 

“Hey, uh… I’m sorry for just breaking in like this while you’re making dinner and all-…”

 

“No, no! Don’t apologize, the door is open anytime for you guys!”

Jen gives him a smile, a smile that’s trying to cover the fact that she knows about their fight earlier.

 

“Lana, I’d… like to talk to you, could you please come home?”

He sounds pleading, but the brunette’s glance is ice cold. She shakes her head,

 

“No. I’ll be here if you need me.”

She turns her gaze to the food that Jen has put under her nose and grabs a fork to dig in. She can hear him sigh before he continues,

 

“Please. I miss you at home.”

 

“You heard what I said Fred. I have my phone on twenty-four-seven.”

 

She’s never throwing another eye at him, just keeps eating the delicious chicken vinegar salad that her colleague has made especially for her.

The door closes, and when she looks up again, he’s gone.

 

“Soo… you just invited yourself for a sleepover, huh?”

 

Jen quirks a brow and Lana snaps out of her gloomy mood. A smile creeps up in the corner of her mouth.

 

“Looks like I did…”

 

It’s quiet for just a moment before they both giggle and continues eating their food. It doesn’t take long though before Jen once again breaks the silence, with food in her mouth and a furrowed brows,

 

“Where are you gonna sleep though? There’s not much space in here, just saying…”

 

“I bet you have a bed?”

 

The blonde tilts her head and quirks a brow, silly actress.

“Yeah but-”

 

“I’ll sleep with you then.”

 

Jen smiles. Blushes slightly. 

 

"What was it that you were going to say earlier by the way..?"

  
  
"Oh..! That... It was nothing."

  
The tone in her voice is so convincing the blonde doesn't even have second thoughts, not right now at least. 

 

"Okay so... You're feeling better now?"

  
  
"Much better."

They share smiles and both of them know that this is the worst idea they’ve had so far, because this is clearly turning into something it shouldn’t. But oh how they both wanted to just be able to feel each other's warmth all night long, to run fingers through the hair, and kiss just because they can - Or at least that’s what Jen was thinking. Lana was still busy trying to figure out what she was doing. It all felt way too good with her colleague and it scared her how long she had allowed herself to go. How far she had taken this. This wasn’t good and she knew it from the start, but how could she stop it now?


	10. Wasted Diamonds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!  
> As promised, a little quicker update!  
> I wasn't supposed to continue with this fic as far as I actually have now, it was just meant to be a little treat for the Morrilla fans lol, but oh well... I enjoy writing it :) xx

Wasted diamonds

  
  


The room is not as dark as Lana had expected. Jen doesn’t have the same curtains as the brunette in her bedroom, these are white and see-through, which doesn’t cover the way in for the street lights. The blonde is already sleeping. Or is she? She’s turned away from her colleague and she’s very still which makes it hard to tell even though the brunette has been having her eyes on her for the last five minutes. The bed is cold, but not uncomfortably so. She’s used to share one with Fred but now when she’s lying alongside the blonde it’s very spacious and takes ages to heat up with their petite bodies. 

Carefully, she reaches out a hand and runs her fingers along a pale arm while her mind starts to wander. 

 

She regrets that she didn’t tell her. That she didn’t just bash it out across the dining table. She deserves to know, she does  _ not _ deserve the heartbreak that she is about to face because of  _ her _ stupid decisions. Everything was just a huge mistake. Even though she knew what she was doing from the very beginning, she didn’t think it would go this far. If they both had agreed this was never going to happen again after that night at the cabin, it wouldn’t be a problem right now, but they had started something that neither of them had the will to stop or power to deny. She sighs, deeply, before she turns around and pulls the blanket over her shoulders. It is just a matter of time before the blonde will find out for herself if she doesn’t tell her first.

 

* * *

 

The early morning sun hits the window and shines through to the bed both women are currently lying all passed out in, it turns warm enough to wake the blonde from her beauty sleep. After a nice stretch followed by a yawn, she turns around and instantly gets reminded of that she’s not alone in her bed. The brunette is looking oh so comfortable wrapped in her blanket, breathing heavily and doesn’t seem bothered at all by the heat. 

She looks stunning. No makeup, her hair still got some curls from yesterday’s hairdo and her shoulders are free from straps and clothes, which makes Jen really tempted to run her fingers along her collarbones out to her shoulders, just when she’s about to, the brunette begins to move in a manner that tells the blonde she’s waking up. She eventually turns her head to the other woman’s side and looks at her through squinting eyes,

 

“Good morning…”

 

“Good morning sunshine.”

 

Jen calling her sunshine is just illogical. If someone’s sunshine here it’s her. 

 

“... what time is it?”

 

The rasp in the older woman’s voice is twice as evident in the morning, and it’s the best thing to listen to if your name is Jennifer Morrison. 

 

“It just turned nine, the sun woke me up…” 

 

The older woman runs her hands over her face, up into her hair and drops her arms to the pillow above her head. She looks extremely tired, but that’s about to change. Jen makes a sudden move, so quick that Lana doesn’t have a chance to react before the blonde is on her hands and knees on top of her, grinning widely.

 

“ _ I _ can wake  _ you _ up.”

 

The brunette can’t avoid the smirk that appears on her face as slender fingers run down her chest in a gentle touch, but just as she reaches her belly button, she slightly panics when she realizes that it might actually be noticeable by now. She grabs her hand so quick it gets rough and she notices the look of surprise on the younger woman’s face. 

 

“We don’t have time for that. We’ve got to be at Adam and Eddie’s office by eleven to pick up the new scripts.” 

 

“It’s two hours until then, and I’m pretty sure I can make this quick.”

 

The brunette raises her eyebrows, 

 

“Oh, that’s quite a confident assumption..!” 

 

“Oh it’s a fact, do you need proof? I’d happily give it to you.”

 

She carefully leans closer, making her breath able to reach the other woman’s lips. Dark orbs are observing the blonde like a piece of meat, her eyes, her lips, her almost naked body…

 

“I… We can’t, my hair takes ages to fix and I need to be there on time, I always am.”

 

“Make an exception just this one time.” 

 

“Jen…”

 

Lana tilts her head, begging the blonde to give up so that she doesn’t eventually give in, she’s extremely tempted after all.

 

“… Fine. But don’t think I’ll forget this.”

 

“I’m already longing for your revenge…”

 

She murmurs those last words, and it makes the blonde even more frustrated that she’s not able to jump the woman right away. Instead, they both struggles to get out of bed and find their clothes that all landed in different spots yesterday evening. Lana puts her hair up into a puffy little ponytail and walks into the bathroom before Jen is even fully dressed, to get her hair done and every-day makeup on. It doesn’t take long before she’s standing outside the room again, with no shirt on, but two shirts in each hand, one black and one crimson. 

 

“Which one do you prefer?”    
  
The blonde’s obviously too very distracted by the half-naked woman in front of her to pay attention to the garments she’s holding up before her. 

 

“Why don’t you just… Skip them both.”   
  
The brunette cocks a brow at the younger woman’s childish grin and puts one of them aside without the other woman’s approval. 

 

“I’ll take this one, I’ve heard black suits me.”   
  
“Who told you that?”    
  
Jen suddenly sounds a little offended.

 

“Uhm, Fred… And the styling team?”    
  
“Red  _ obviously  _ suits you better. You look absolutely  _ stunning _ in red!”

 

Now she’s up from the bed in seconds and approaches the other, still quiet woman only to grab the clothes she’s holding and throw them onto the sofa in the kitchen.

“Here, I’ve got something you can borrow.”    
  
Lana’s just following her every move with her eyes and patiently waits for her colleague to find what she’s looking for. Eventually she turns around and hands her a red business dress, with delicate seams making beautiful details along the waist down. 

 

“... Why do you own a dress like this? Have you even worn it?”    
  
The brunette looks stunned as she touches the fabric of the beautiful dress.

 

“Well, no I haven’t actually, haha… I got it from my mother for my birthday a couple of years ago, I guess I’ve kept it in my wardrobe for some.. special occasion.” 

 

With a shrug, she gives it to the darker woman, who still looks slightly in awe. 

 

“Are you sure I can borrow it?”    
  
“Of course! You wear it way better than me..!”

 

* * *

 

**Emma**

“Regina, there’s something we need to talk about… Or well, something that I have to tell you.”

 

**Regina tilts her head a bit aside, looking concerned.**

 

**Regina:**

“Go ahead, dear.”

 

**Emma squirms and takes a deep breath.**

 

**Emma:**

“I… Uhm. Before you and I got together, my relationship with hook-”

 

**Regina sighs and Emma is well aware of how much she loathes to talk about the mr Guyliner the pirate.**

 

**Emma:**

“Just hear me out, okay?”

 

“Our relationship was never built upon true love, yet I think I tried to make it seem so, especially for myself. We… did all the things a normal couple.. does.”

 

**Regina looks disgusted.**

 

“... Anyways, things have taken quite a turn and..-”

 

**Regina:**

“Why do you tell me all of this? This unsavory information is completely out of my interest..!”

 

**Emma looks her deep into the eyes as if she then wouldn’t have to say it aloud, but transfer the words via telepathy.**

 

**Emma:**

“Please just... I just don’t want you to walk away after I tell you this...”

 

**Regina:**

“Tell me  _ what, _ Emma?”

 

**Emma looks at her for another couple of seconds before she inhales sharply ready to break it to her girlfriend.**

 

**Emma:**

“I’m pregnant.”

  
  


Lana slams the script to Adam’s desk.

 

“I ain’t doing this.” 

 

He doesn’t even have the smallest clue of what she’s talking about and looks quite so surprised by her being this upset. He takes a look at the papers that lies upside-down on his messy desk, and has to turn them around to see what she’s referring to. A frown is formed upon the author's face.

 

“What’s wrong with this part?”

 

“I-... it’s just wrong. It’s unfair to Regina.”

 

She lies, and she internally cringes at herself for being so bad at it.

 

“Yeah but…”

 

He scoffs slightly before continuing,

 

“You haven’t been protesting before? You use to love playing the angsty and emotional parts.”

 

“Yes but- When you’ve  _ finally _ written what the majority of fans want, can you not destroy it immediately?”

 

“Destroy? Who said I’ll destroy it? Their relationship could bloom because of this!”

 

“... How?”

 

She’s utterly confused, how on earth could this even be the tiniest of positive?

 

“Well we haven’t written more than two episodes from there, but if we’re realistic about it, they could, for example, end up taking care of the child together, if she decides to keep it that is.”

 

“Well, I’m not so sure Killian would be positive about that idea.”

 

“Perhaps he doesn’t even want anything to do with it, you don’t know that yet.”

 

Lana sighs and rolls her eyes, this won’t lead anywhere and she cannot bring herself to tell him what it’s really about just yet. 

 

“I get your point, but it’s just that-”

 

“Come on Lana, try it out. It’s just a character.”

 

But for her, it is not. After reading through the script she realizes what Jen will have to go through when she tells her. What a huge betrayal it will feel like, which it honestly is. How  _ worthless _ she will think she is, and it’s way too late to change it now. That’s the worst part. Whatever she does, says or wants now, there’s nothing that could change what she has done and how her colleague will react. She doesn’t want to hurt her, but she will. So will this scene even matter?

 

“Yeah… sure.”

 

She’s still convinced she won’t do it, she just has to figure out how. The script is for tomorrow’s shoot, so there isn’t plenty of time to think about that. Perhaps she should ask JMo what she thinks about it?

 

“Have you talked to Jen about it?”

 

Adam looks up from his documents on the table and thinks for a moment before he answers her question,

 

“N-... No, why would we? You mean about the script, right?”

 

“Yeah, no I was just wondering. I should get going man, see you at the shoot tomorrow!”

 

He offers her a smile and confirming nod before she leaves, and heads back over to Jen’s trailer. Since the blonde has told her she’s always welcome, she enters without knocking and is met by two big, warm, forest green eyes.

 

“Hey uh, sorry for bothering you again…”

 

“You never bother me.”

 

She smiles from eye to eye. 

_ Oh if you only knew Jennifer… _

 

“Have you read the script yet?”

She tries to just ignore the really bad feeling that creeps up on her by asking right away, just getting it over with.

 

“Oh! Yes! This will be so much fun to play, and so emotional! I can’t wait, I love when Adam and Eddie write stuff like this!” 

 

Lana pulls off a fake smile towards the glowing blonde and nods once.

“Aren’t they amazing..!”

 

_ Great _ . Jen literally loves the part. Now they cannot appeal against it together like she had planned. Usually, they have very similar opinions and they probably would have in this case as well if it wasn’t for the complicated situation. 

 

“Come here.”

 

The brunette gets woken from her daydreams as Jen unexpectedly grabs her jacket and pulls her in. Their eyes meet so suddenly as she surprises the older woman, that their gaze gets intense and she holds her breath for a moment.

 

Pale fingers run along an olive neck and a bright voice murmurs, 

"I want to kiss you."   
  
"...Don't."   
The brunette's voice is just a faint whisper. The digits keep caressing her in a begging manner. They both know exactly what's going through the other's mind, one refusing to admit it and the other trying to get her to give in.    
  
".. it's Fred's last day here, I can't do this to him..."    
A frown is formed upon the Latina's face as she slowly shakes her head.    
  
"It's just a kiss... A peck on the mouth! Please. Just one. It’s not like we haven’t done it before..."   
  
As much as she knows this is wrong, just as much she craves her. Every cell in her body tries to convince her, it's like she said just one peck on the mouth, who could that hurt? Her eyes wander between emerald, down to those parted lips wanting for hers.    
Without a word she reluctantly leans in and warmly presses her lips against hers and stays there for longer than she should. Her hands travel up over the younger woman's shoulders, to set on her neck. She sinks so deeply into the kiss that all of her begins to relax. Her eyes aren't clenching shut anymore, her breathing isn't as shallow and her thumbs allow themselves to feel every bit of soft skin the blonde's cheeks have to offer. The younger woman can feel how the lips on hers curl into a smile, as pantyhose clad legs move from their spot and sneak up on each side of her. The hands around her face can't stop moving, holding, grabbing for more. 

 

The brunette is literally all over her, slowly starting to move her hips in a sensual pace when the door to the trailer suddenly opens and Fred stands in the doorway, wide-eyed. Lana quickly recoils, slamming her back against of the couch. She purses her lips and stays silent to avoid letting any bad excuses escape her mouth.    
  
"Uh- Am I interrupting something here?"   
He has never looked so dislocated and confused through their entire marriage, a fact that sends terrifying chills down the brunette's spine.    
Quickly, with the skills she has developed through the years as an actress, she puts on an act.   
  
"God, you scared me... No, we're just- practicing for the show."   
  
She runs both hands through her hair and flips it at the ends, a habit she is well aware of that she has, that she now uses to make herself look completely casual to erase any trace of suspicion from her husband's mind. The only thing out of control right now is her heart rate. Even though that's not visible externally, she's worried he will notice it nonetheless. He's excellent at reading people, especially his wife. She's still slightly giddy from the kiss and even though she believes she has it under control, it could reveal everything.

 

“... okay. I was just about to tell you that dinner’s ready over at our place. You can.. come over whenever you're hungry, if you feel like.”

 

He closes the door behind him after receiving a nod from her. There’s something very wrong with the hesitation in his voice and his way of just leaving without another word. The two women remain silent after that, for quite awhile actually. Jen looking awkwardly regretful, Lana keeping her face in her hands, elbows on the table. Fate and timing might be a bitch, but why did she consider kissing her at all after the steps back into the right direction? What convinced her? It wasn’t common sense for sure. 

 

“I should go.”

Lana suddenly breaks the silence, lifting her head up from her tense hands. Jen just bobs her head, without a word, neither of them looking at the other. The brunette gets up rather quickly to pull her jacket off a hook next to the doorway and storms out the door. 

 

* * *

 

"What was that about? And is that JMo’s dress? I haven’t seen it before..." 

He chuckles. Not that positive kind of chuckle, more like a nervous kind. Lana sits in front of him on the other side of the table, poking her half eaten food with the fork she’s holding, trying not to think about earlier. She eventually takes a deep breath, feeling ready to have this conversation now.

 

"It was not like I brought my wardrobe to her trailer when I got out of here yesterday… and we were practicing for the next shoot, I told you?"f

 

"Lana, you're an amazing actress, but I can tell when you're acting and not. Right now you are. But that moment you weren't."

 

Her face unintentionally drops, just a tiny little, but enough for Fred to notice. Apparently, she wasn’t as prepared as she thought. Her mask just fell off.

"I…”

 

"I saw how you kissed her. You don't even kiss  _ me _ that way..." 

 

She remains silent.

 

"You know that you can tell me anything, even if it means I will no longer be your husband."

 

"Fred. Don't say that..!"

 

"Do you love her?" 

 

Her hesitation has him pursing his lips just when she answers,

"..No. No I don't! I love you, and only you."

 

"Then why did you do it?"

 

She wants to be honest with him, but as soon as her brain starts working to find the truest answer, she remembers every little feeling she had been feeling right before their lips collided with each other. The cravings, the pain of not being allowed to, the sinful thoughts, the overwhelming want for just a little taste, the heavy heartbeats, all as her gaze constantly fell onto to those pink, awaiting lips. She can't tell him. 

 

"... I don't know." 

She can only whisper, shakily as her eyes begin to water. She knows that this ain't the answer he wants nor needs. How could she do this to him? She loves him, but she just can't explain what she feel for her friend and colleague. Perhaps she doesn't even know for sure herself. 

 

"Perhaps we should take a break."

 

Her eyes snap wide open, what's happening? How can he even say that?

 

"What?! No!! Fred you don't understand..!"

Her voice is filled with desperation, she can even hear it herself and she knows that whatever she says now won't come out as it's meant to. 

 

"That’s not it Lana. A close friend of mine, also a friend of yours, informed me about a passionate night at the cabin after the forest shoot apparently that she, or he, overheard. And we both know I wasn’t there…”

 

She wants to completely deny it but she’s a book wide open with pages being ripped from. He knows. Her brown, wide eyes are overflowing with guilt and apologies, but there’s no excuse worthy enough to leave her mouth.

 

“I don't want you to be with me if that's not what your heart desires, and there’s still time to think about whether to keep the baby or not." 

 

_ Oh, he did not mean that. _

 

Leaning across the table, he carefully takes a hold of a slender hand. Slowly, for what feels like a lifetime, he pulls the diamond ring filled with promises, off her finger and in that moment it feels like her heart is pulled away from her as well. Tears uncontrollably fall l down her cheeks, they don't even need the push of a blink. Begging, whispering, not knowing what to say but his name, she tries with all she has to make him change his mind. He gets up, still holding her hands tight into his own and leans forward to place a kiss on her forehead before he continues,

 

"Think about it while I'm gone."

 

"Fred, don’t go,  _ please _ … I  _ love _ you..."

 

Their eyes lock for seconds, he offers a forced smile as he steps out of the trailer and closes the door, without a word. He didn't even say it back. 

The pain in her chest grows bigger for every thought that tumbles through her mind. What is she supposed to do now? She had never in her wildest dreams imagined that she could feel this way. Is it even possible to feel the same way about two beings? Is it okay to love two different people at the same time? Oh god, what is she thinking... She doesn't love Jen. She's not...  _ in love _ , with her. This is just a crush, it'll go away. Right now, the only thing she must focus on is saving her marriage and the little one she soon will be having in her arms. 


	11. Under Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sorry I'm late." Lol!  
> No but seriously I've been really bad at updating, it's difficult to get inspiration when life and responsibilities are hunting you, and when OUAT IS ABOUT TO END (?!?!). I'm already grieving. Hopefully we can make the series, fandom and ships live on through fanfics and fanart though! 
> 
> Here you go. xx

_No way. She hears the sound of the door opening followed by the sound of Fred’s voice. She cannot manage to get up from the chair she’s sitting on to go meet him in the hall though. She just keeps staring at the screen on the piece of plastic in her hand._

 

_“Hi?”_

 

_He repeats for the third time since coming inside the house. She looks up,_

 

_“... It’s positive?”_

 

_Fred’s eyes immediately goes from questioning to completely full of joy,_

 

_“Are you kidding me?! Oh my god honey that is amazing!!”_

 

_He drops the grocery bags to the wooden floor and rushes over to his wife, who’s for some reason looking noticeably concerned._

 

_“But it has to be wrong.”_

 

_“What?? Why?”_

 

_How the hell would she know? It just had to be._

 

_“B-ecause… I can’t get pregnant, we’ve always known this..?”_

 

_“Well, it seems like we were wrong all this time! Aren’t you happy?”_

 

_“Of course I am Fred, but…”_

 

_“But?”_

 

_“I’m just shocked and I still just- can’t believe it.”_

 

_“Let’s go to the hospital tomorrow to confirm it then.”_

 

_He’s smiling so widely she just has to roll her eyes at him. Could this seriously be happening? All these years that they had tried but nothing ever worked, she was so sure it just wasn’t meant to be. They had checked it up eventually and she was told there was nothing they could do. She couldn’t have children. Now the fact that they had been wrong seemed so unbelievable she couldn’t even feel the joy she should feel from knowing she’ll be a mother in less than a year._

 

* * *

 

Thinking back to these memories, Lana cannot help but smile. She had been so overwhelmed with feelings the moment she could see the tiny heartbeats in her stomach, and hear the nurse say ten weeks. It was unbelievable still and she didn’t know if she was ready. But she was _so_ happy and felt so lucky that it didn’t really matter - back then.

 

Now, two weeks later, she has begun building a huge problem around it though it wasn’t intentionally, or was it? She feels bad for being pregnant, for not being faithful to the baby’s father and for letting Jen live in uncertainty. It feels as if she regretted ever keeping it, but she doesn’t really. She wants a child more than anything and that’s just making her even more conflicted. Will it even matter what she tells them now? She’s alone, isn’t she? Fred has left, Jen isn’t hers.

 

Alfredo.

The love of her life. She had let him down in a way she didn’t believe she was capable of. He had felt so lucky, so happy and so ready to become a father, whilst she had a brief moment of belief that no one would know if she jumped into bed with her colleague just once. What a stupid idea. What a horrible choice to make. She didn’t even feel anything for the other actress, it just… happened. What a bad excuse.

Her back slides down along the counter in the kitchen. It feels like the thoughts are beating her down to the floor.

 

* * *

 

It’s quite cloudy outside and not the best weather for a walk but she really felt the need to apologize to her colleague for yesterday. Not that it had been her fault but it needed to be talked about. Whatever conversation Lana and her husband had had after she left her trailer last night cannot have been very positive.

The trailer looks rather dark when she sees it up close. The curtains are covering the windows and Fred’s car is not parked outside like it had been all weekend. As she approaches the entrance, there’s not a single sound coming from inside, it’s oddly quiet. Not even Lola is barking. She knocks, and oh finally - a dog is heard. She smiles for herself as she hears the paws approach the other side of the door, but no one is opening. She knocks again but there’s just Lola jumping on the inside. Eventually, she tries to pull down the handle just out of curiosity to see if it’s open, which it’s to her surprise is. She’s, not so surprisingly, met by a brown mess of fur.

 

“ _Heey_ , pretty girl! Where’s your mommy?”

 

Lola is too excited to see the familiar face she’s now kissing, to even show her to her owner.

 

“Lana..?”

 

She calls out whilst she keeps petting the canine. She looks around but when no one answers and she doesn’t spot anyone in the hall or by the dining table she takes her jacket off and hangs it by the door before she invites herself.

She finds Lana sitting curled up on the floor in front of the oven in the kitchen, with her back against the counter and her arms wrapped around her knees. If she didn't know her better she would assume the brunette was waiting for her homemade apple turnovers to be done, but she knows very well that if this woman ain't letting her heels hold her up, hasn't her back straightened, nor her chin held high, then she needs much more than just a simple "hi".

 

"... Are you okay?"

She closes the door behind her as she takes a hesitant step towards the brunette without receiving any kind of response. Decisively she approaches the woman on the floor and kneels besides her, soothingly placing a hand on her shoulder that hastily get's snatched away out of her reach. The blonde's eyebrows shoot up,

 

"Hey??"

The darker woman hasn't even thrown an eye at her since she entered the trailer and her face completely lacks expression.

”What’s wrong?”

She tries again, leaving the apparently upset colleague some space.

 

”You know exactly what’s wrong.”

The snarl is accusing, personal and filled with anger that is very unfamiliar to the younger woman. She lets her mouth fall open in confusion, trying to think of a logical reason to why the Latina could be so distraught at the moment but cannot think of any.

 

”I… I actually don’t.”

A shrug from the dejected woman is more than enough to provoke the already furious brunette on the floor. She pushes herself up from the floor before Jen has a chance to process the sudden actions and grabs her by the tank top.

 

”You _KNEW_ this was going to happen! This was your plan all from the start, wasn’t it?! You can GO TO HELL Jen!!”

She pushes her with all the force she has towards the exit. Jen stumbles backward from the quick, sudden pressure against her chest.

 

”Lana I-”

 

”I can’t believe I grew even the _slightest_ fond of you from the beginning… This is _all_ your fault!”

Tears begin to build up and cover her chocolate orbs, blurring her vision until she blinks to let them roll down her cheeks flushed with anger. She pushes the blonde again, and again and Jen trips on her own feet until her back hits the door.

 

"Lana, you know I'm stronger than you, but I won't fight you, okay? We can talk about this like adults."

She keeps pushing, hitting, bashing out every curse word she can come up with and Jen knows she won't stop unless she puts something else on her mind. Her bruised chest and stomach hurts too much not to take initiative right away.

Harmlessly but sudden, she grabs the mad actress by her jaw as firmly as she can, as well as her wrist while pushing her away to get a good look at her eyes and stop her from struggling and she’s for the very first time given a look of fear from Lana who’s now very tense. The darker woman’s hands have a tight grip around Jen’s slender wrist as if she’s afraid she will hurt her, but at least now she has stopped beating and the tears have stopped running. Jen, as if she realizes, opens her mouth and whispers,

 

“I’m not gonna hurt you…”

 

Then it’s quiet for a minute, both of them obviously needing a moment to catch their breath. When the brunette has calmed down properly, Jen carefully lets go of her jaw and places a finger under her chin instead, to make sure her gaze stays on her.

 

“Tell me what’s going on.”

 

Although she kindly offers her attention, Lana pulls her chin aside, away from the pale finger holding it up for her. But Jen is tired of her childish graces and is quick to grab her by the jaw once again to pull her glare back to her.

 

“Lana, stop it. Now you’re just being childish.”

 

“Let go of me!”

She can’t look at the blonde like she can’t even stand her ignorance. Deep down she knows that Jen has no _idea_ what she’s talking about, but the furious part of her tells her the opposite, that she’s playing stupid not to get the blame.

 

“How am I supposed to be able to understand you if you won’t talk to me and tell me what’s going on?!”  
Jen’s getting frustrated and she frowns heavily, knowing that the older woman won’t tell her in a while. She falls down onto the kitchen couch, crouched back and hands in lap, she sighs deeply. The brunette is standing a couple of meters away with her back facing Jen, arms crossed over her chest. It takes minutes before any of them makes a sound.

 

“... He left me.”  
  
“ _What?_ ”  
  
“Yes, you heard that right.”  
The annoyance in her voice is evident and the blonde hesitates to say more to not make things worse.

 

“But… You’re _married..!_ He can’t just…”  
She doesn’t know what to say. She’s shocked.  
  
“He took the ring back.”  
  
Jen is quiet.

“He saw us kissing which I’m pretty certain you are aware of, then we talked about it over dinner. He said-…”  
She stops to take a deep breath. She’s not sure if it is such a good idea to tell Jen all of this. How he had talked about how she kissed her, that she doesn’t even kiss her husband the way she kisses her blonde colleague. She doesn’t want to admit that. Not to him, not to Jen, not to herself. How she had lied to him and how she had no idea how to respond to his questions because she couldn’t tell him. She couldn’t tell him that she craved for pale feminine lips to dampen her skin, for slender soft hands to dance along her curves, for long golden locks to tickle her face as they exchanged breaths in between lustful kisses. She couldn’t face the fact that she had fallen so deeply in love with someone else than her husband.

“... He said that he saw the way I kissed you. That-... he didn’t want me to be stuck with him if that wasn’t what my heart desired.”

 

Jen is still quiet.

 

“... that I could tell him everything, even if it meant that-”

Her voice _cracks._

 _“-_ that he’d no longer be my husband.”

 

The blonde finally gets up from her seat and quickly walks up to the brunette and cups her cheeks before she has a chance to protest.

 

“Listen to me Lana.”

 

Her thumbs stroke her cheeks, simultaneously wiping away the tears that are running down along them.

 

“It’s going to be alright. He’s just shocked and confused... that’s all. He will come back to you, just give him some time.”

 

“This is not a movie Jen, it doesn’t work like that.”

 

And with those words, she grabs the pale hands and directs them away from her face and the younger woman no longer knows what to do or how to help. Was this her fault from the beginning like she had been told? Was all of this a result of that _look_ she had given her co-worker in the cabin, the hungry stare that started it all, that revealed way more than it should’ve.

 

“I wish I could help you… I really do, I just-”

 

“Don’t bother.”

 

“Lana-”

 

“Just… leave me alone Jennifer.”

 

Use of full name equals fully serious woman. This should be the moment where Jen just shuts her mouth and walks out the door to give her co worker some space, but she knows Lana better than that. She doesn’t need to be left alone, especially not when she was just left by the love of her life and most likely feels lonelier than ever.

So instead she walks straight up to her, grabs her face with both hands and presses her lips against hers. She kisses her passionately, deeply, because she’s so sure it will soothe her. That it will cure a little part of her that is broken right now, but it does the complete opposite.

It triggers every ounce of anxiety, regret, devastation, loneliness and exhaustion in the petite body of hers which makes her completely unable to control herself and within a second her palm has crashed with the blonde’s cheek.

 

_SLAP_

 

“ _Get out_.”

 

Before Jen has the time even realize what just happened, she gets pushed backwards and her jacket is forced into her arms. The brunette is just shaking her head, not even looking at the emerald eyes that are full of confusion and sadness.

 

“Wha-”

 

“I can’t have you here, just _go_.”

 

There’s nothing more to say really. She stumbles out, eyes still locked on the trailer as the door slams shut in front of her. She tries to hold back the tears that threatens to run over, but what for? Who is she trying to be strong for? What is she defending herself from? Where will that get her? She turns around, tears already running down her face and takes her first step towards her temporary home.

 

* * *

 

Her knuckles turn white in her short, dark hair. The frustration is completely eating her up from inside. She just hit her and the regret is growing so quickly she impulsively wants to just run out and apologize. Then perhaps also just tell her everything? Just bash it out and hope for the best, because it couldn’t get worse, could it? Just tell her why she’s pushing her away, why she’s being rude and distant even though her biggest wish right now is for her to stay and kiss her for a little longer. But would she feel the same when she finds out the truth? That’s highly unlikely. Oh god, had she really screwed it up that badly? Is she going to lose her, too?

 

No, she couldn’t do this _again_. She grabs her coat on her way out, throws it on whilst running towards the younger woman who’s now about a hundred meters ahead of her.

 

“Jen, wait!!”

 

The blonde stops almost ridiculously fast since she can’t believe her ears and turns around to see if what she just heard is for real. And it is. Lana runs all the way up to her and only stops when her face hits Jen’s. This almost hits her harder than her palm had earlier, but she doesn’t care. In fact, none of them care. Desperate kisses between the trailers maybe aren't the best of activities but they just can’t stop, not now, not again.

When they eventually stop to get some air, the brunette takes the chance to speak,

 

“I’m so sorry Jen, God I’m so sorry I slapped you..!”

 

Her hands are all over her cheeks, her hair, thumbs stroking her jawline, her ears. Her touch is so loving and the blonde can’t help but to smile in response.

 

“It’s… well, not okay but… I guess none of us are okay either so…”

 

She shrugs and Lana wraps her arms around her and the tighter her grip gets, the better they both feel.

But how long would this last?

It has started to rain and both of them are pretty soaked by now, only now after the hug they notice.

 

“Do you want to come inside or-”

 

“I have a better idea.”

 

Jen is not even mad that she gets interrupted in the middle of her question. She gladly follows the brunette who pulls her by the arm towards the shore behind the trailers. The rain is pouring, it’s like a waterfall straight from the heavens and they couldn’t care less. When they reach the beach, Lana struggles a second to get her jacket off and the younger woman watches her with a brow arched. It’s a bit could to undress now, isn’t it?

 

“What are you doing?”

 

The brunette turns her head and smirks childishly as she throws the beige coat to the ground and walks over to the completely lost woman. She grabs her jacket in front of her and pulls it off of one of her shoulders before Jen takes a step back as if to question once again what’s going on.

 

“Take it off!”

 

“Why, it’s freezing cold out he-”

 

“Just trust me!”

 

Lana approaches again and this time her colleague doesn’t fight back but lets her pull the jacket off her body. Then the brunette grabs her slender hand and leads her out on the small, wooden bridge in the water. She doesn’t even know what they’re doing, but it makes her feel alive. She feels like a teenager again, doing crazy things in the dark with her best friend, although, this is not her best friend.

 

“Do you want to bathe?”

 

“Now?! Here?! Are you crazy, it’s ice cold!”

 

“Too bad for you miss landlubber.”

 

And with those words, she suddenly dives headlong into the lake and Jen’s jaw just drops. When she comes back up above the surface, her hair is slicked backward and her face is dripping, but she wears a wide smile on her face nonetheless. A smile that Jen could fall in love with every time she sees it.

 

“Get in! It’s not _that_ bad!”

 

Even though Jen is dying to just jump her in the water, she shakes her head and takes a step back as if not to get pulled in. It’s freezing enough in the air, how cold mustn’t the water be? The brunette just laughs and gets out of the water and up on the bridge again, her clothes are completely _soaked_ and quite see-through to be honest.

 

“Can I have a hug then?”

 

This is torture. She would never even consider it if it wasn’t for the fact that she’s Lana Parrilla. The brunette comes a bit closer.

 

“N-no.”

 

“... Okay.”

 

In a heartbeat, the older woman pushes her off the bridge and there’s no chance in hell she can grab onto something to not fall into the water. There’s a loud splash followed by a husky laughter before the blonde quickly comes up to gasp for air.

 

“ _Lana what the hell?!_ ”

 

She’s not even mad for real. This is the most ridiculous, childish, crazy and wonderful thing she has done in a very long time. The other actress comes right after and almost crashes into the other woman in the water when she jumps. She comes up laughing and pulls her hair back with her hands, looking like she thinks life is a photo shoot. When she opens her eyes she notices how close the blonde is, and how enchanted she seems when she looks at her.

 

“Come.”

 

The older woman is just holding out her hands, slightly moving her fingertips in a way to lure her into her embrace. She leans in without second thoughts though and gently touches the darker woman’s lips with her own. She wants to take it slow this time. She might be desperate but she wants to really _feel_ everything this time. It’s not like they’re going anywhere right now, why rush it?

Lana’s hands set above Jen’s hips, pulling her a little bit closer for easier access to her parted lips and craving tongue that she’s been missing for days.

She tastes like love. Like the end to all her cravings. Her hair is wet all the way through, yet it feels like silk. She doesn’t want to stop doing this. Why does she keep thinking about that all of this will have an end? Can’t she just for once enjoy the moment? She kisses her a bit deeper, a bit harder. They’re basically just floating around in the cold water, keeping each other warm with entangled legs and hands holding on to each others clothes and hair. She pushes her down with kisses until they’re below the surface, under water. They barely need air when they’re kissing anyway. Everything feels like slow motion in this world down under, like they’ve got more time than the people on land above. They know that that’s not really how it is though, but one can pretend for a moment.

A bubble escapes the brunette’s mouth and the blonde knows that this woman would drown for her if she didn’t pull her up instead of keep kissing her, so she does. The older woman gasps for air as she breaks the surface, not at all as enduring as the blonde when it comes to holding her breath. Jen just smiles.

 

“Do you want to get up and go inside? Your lips are turning blue and you’re ice cold..!”

 

She grabs the frozen hands belonging to the slightly shivering woman in front of her and starts walking towards the shore before she gets to answer. They grab their jackets on their way up to the trailers, and they automatically walk over to Jen’s trailer since she’s the one in the lead and she knows that she’s got cozy towels in her bathroom that they can wrap themselves in as soon as they get inside.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This moment will continue on in the next chapter,  
> Had to cut it off because it was too long...  
> See you soon! xx


	12. A Second Too Long

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry that I haven't been updating in AGES. To be honest it's your encouraging comments that keeps me going on this fic. I do not intend to NOT finish it, it just takes some time since there's a lot going on in my life as it probably is for all of you as well.  
> Thanks that you bear with me! I'll do my best. xoxo

Chapter 12

 

 

“Here you go..!”

 

Jen throws the towel around Lana’s shoulders, giving both ends to her as she has wrapped her in. The brunette grabs it gratefully and gives her a warm smile despite her blue lips.

 

“Thank you.” Lana drawls through a shiver.

 

“Would you like some tea or something?” The blonde offers as she gives a sleepy Ava a snack in her hand.

 

“No thanks, kisses will do.” She smirks, like she knows she will get what she wants because she’s well aware of that the blonde simply can’t resist. Her response becomes a tilted head and an arched eyebrow.

 

“Well your majesty, you’ll have to wait until I’ve changed to something less… wet.”

 

“Oh. But I do not mind you being _wet,_ darling.”

 

“Oh _shut up_..!”

 

The brunette shrugs and never stops smirking while Jen tries to change without feeling too exposed to her colleague who’s sitting on the edge of her bed, which is impossible because she is eying her from head to toe as she removes the garments that are clinging to her fit body. Her jeans fall to the floor first and the brunette cannot really recall where she’s seen the white tank top-red lace underwear-look before, but she definitely has a weak memory of it.

 

It’s painful to look at the woman in front of her when she knows she’s supposed to put some kind of end to this relationship going on between them. This could be so different if she hadn’t screwed up so horribly. She wouldn’t have to think about her every move, what the consequences will be or what anyone else would think. She would’ve been able to kiss Jen, outside of these walls, in front of her friends. But right now that’d be a sham. Even though Fred left _her_ and not vice versa, everyone would find out about why and _that’s_ all on her. They would find out about Jen and the baby and all of the unnecessary lies she’s told as an attempt to get away with her irresponsible mistakes. It wasn’t worth it.

 

She takes a deep breath before she forces her mouth to speak,

“... Jen, there’s someth-”

 

And as if she hadn’t had enough setbacks, she gets interrupted by a loud knock on the door and before any of them have the chance to respond, it slams open and Sean peeks in with an excited smile on his face that fades rather quickly as he sees Jen half naked trying to cover most of herself up with her still wet clothes.

 

“ _Sean?!_ ” She exclaims and he is quick to look away and apologize while she quickly wraps a robe around her body. Lana laughs, she has suppressed what she was about to say and gets out to Sean to let Jen undress in peace.

 

“Hey pinecone.” She snickers and he scoffs and sits down on the small stair just outside the trailer.

 

“How are things?” She continues as she puts a hand to her forehead to protect her squinting eyes from the streetlight above them and sits down next to him.

 

“Quite alright I’d say… What are you guys up to?” He asks. It takes a moment for the brunette next to him to come up with a response,

 

“Just chatting.” She shrugs and begins to dig in her pocket. She pulls out the pack of cigarettes that she has kept there since the day Fred’s anger had run over. She puts one of the cigarettes between her lips, but changes her mind almost instantly and offers it to her friend next to her. He looks at her, questioning.

 

“You’re not gonna have it?”

Lana just shakes her head and reaches it a little further towards him to make less time for questions. He takes it.

 

“Do you have a lighter?”

 

She throws it to him right after his question and with nothing but luck he catches it in the air. Just as he has taken his first blow, steps approach them from behind and Jen comes out to them in a old-pink lace top and jeans shorts, perhaps a little too cold for autumn evening like today but she doesn’t seem to care.

 

“Sorry for earlier…” Sean apologizes, unable to look Jen in the eyes after the incident. Lana giggles and throws an eye Jen’s way just to see if she’s mad or blushing, but she’s neither.

 

“Nah, no problem. Lana was watching me the whole time before you came in, _she_ should be the one apologizing.” She says, seeming all serious but Lana knows she’s teasing big time and opens her mouth in shock as well as amusement.

 

“ _Me?!_ ”   
  
“Yes you, madame.”

 

Lana raises her brows with a mischievous grin and nods as if she just accepted a challenge and she can swear she spots a smirk lurking in the corner of the blonde’s mouth.

 

“But she’s a woman, it’s not the same thing,” Sean says then and both women takes their eyes off each other, both thinking the exact same thing whilst Sean is clueless. None of them says a word until Lana clears her throat and grabs the cigarette butt out of his hand and throws it to the ground before getting up on her feet.

 

“Come on guys, we can’t sit on our asses all evening. We have a script to practice.”  
  
“And a party to attend!” Jen adds out of nowhere and Lana quirks a brow.

 

“Yeah, since Bex has been on her honeymoon we thought that sounded like a good idea.” Sean continues. Lana is still as confused.

 

“Okay, so, the cre-”  
  
“Hey girls, I gotta get going, but let me know if you’re coming too!” Sean suddenly interrupts as he points at his wristband. Jen gives him a quick nod before he leaves and grabs the brunette’s arm and leads her into the trailer again. Before she opens her mouth again she pours coffee in two cups on the kitchen counter.

 

“The crew is thinking about throwing a party for Bex tonight, like a homecoming party and since it’s Friday… I guess it’s basically an excuse to drink.” She laughs and puts the mug back on the hardwood table as brown orbs connects with hers. “There’ll be a lot of nice drinks, games and… well, fun.” She continues with a smile as she seems to wait for some kind of response from the brunette.

 

“I’ll… I’ll be a bit busy tonight. I have to meet Fred at eight tomorrow morning, and-”  
  
“Oh come _on..!_ It’s _Bex_ we’re talking about!” Jen exclaims, looking at Lana like there’s something wrong. What if it is? The brunette sighs deeply.

 

“I guess I could come by and say hi…”

 

“... Don’t you want to go?” The blonde eventually asks as the woman in front of her clearly is conflicted. Brown eyes immediately connect with hers again, slightly widened,

 

“No, no that’s not what I’m saying..! What I mean is… I don’t know if I’m in the mood for partying considering all that has been going on with my marriage and all, you know? I’m quite tired after all...” She tries to whitewash the real reason, tries to make the lie seem logical.

 

“Perhaps then this is _just_ what you need!” Jen smiles encouragingly.

 

____________

 

A couple of hours later Lana finds herself in a corner of the room where the party is being held and people are running around, stressing about how things should be and what they’re gonna drink. Time is 11 PM and she’s feeling slightly antsy without any particular reason, probably because of all the hormones moving around in her body now that it’s so late and she’s in such a crowded space.

 

“Lana!! I’m so glad you could come, Bex would’ve asked for you otherwise.”

She turns around as she hears the sound of the familiar voice surprising her from behind and is met by a glowing Ginny in a yellow dress, wearing a smile even brighter than her clothes.

 

“Hi!! How nice to see you!” They give each other a warm hug before Lana gets to continue,

“Do you know which time she will arrive?”

 

“They say around eleven thirty o'clock, her husband will call from the car when he has the chance, he’s with us in this.” Ginny childishly claps her hands in excitement and all of a sudden runs off to greet another newcomer to the surprise party. Lana sighs, she cannot help to wonder for how long she will have to mingle around and pretend she’s happy to see everyone, when in fact she would do anything just to get home to her couch, grab a huge piece of chocolate and have a movie marathon with no one but Lola…Or simply sleep. Just a few minutes later, people start cheering and she turns around to find Rebecka in the doorway, completely unaware of what’s going on. All of them know that it all is a bit over the top and that she’s basically only been traveling some with her husband but there can never be too much partying, can it?

After Bex has hugged most of the people right inside the doors, Ginny obviously included, she aims for her sister from another mister. As Lana turns around Bex approaches her with rapid speed and before she knows it her arms are wrapped around her. The sudden thud makes her momentarily flinch, it doesn’t necessarily hurt, she was simply scared it would. Bex lifts her up in the air and spins around before putting her down and giving her a kiss in the corner of her mouth.

 

“I would be _very_ surprised if you don’t t have anything to do with this…” Bex muses and her best friend laughs,

 

“Actually I don’t! Ginny’s the one who set it all up.” Lana explains and looks over to Ginny who’s pouring champagne for everyone into small glasses. It only takes seconds for her to reach them with two glasses in each hand.

 

“Here you gooo ladies..!” She smiles and leaves just as fast as she came, leaving one glass to each woman.

 

“Ah, the best of course! Our favorite!” Bex exclaims before clinging the glass against Lana’s.

 

“Cheers.” The brunette says but doesn’t drink from it as Bex does.

 

“You’re supposed to drink when you’re cheering, honey.” She explains sarcastically and Lana rolls her eyes.

 

“I’m just not so thirsty.”

 

Bex suddenly laughs out loud,  
  
“You don’t drink champagne because you’re thirsty, babe!”

 

Lana sighs, usually she would think she’s funny, but she’s just not in the mood right now and rolls her eyes in response.

 

“Do you want it?” She asks instead.

 

“Are you serious? What’s wrong with you woman, are you pregnant?”   
  
It’s a joke, but Lana is quiet for just a second too long. They’ve been friends for so long that both of them knows what another second of silence means and Bex’s eyes grow wide.

 

“ _WHAT?!_ ”

 

“Schhh..!!” She pushes the red haired woman away from the crowd and covers her mouth slightly.

 

“ _What the hell_ Lana are you for _real?!_ Why haven’t you _told_ me _?!”_

 

“I-” She begins but has no idea how to explain the situation.

“It’s complicated.”

 

“It _better_ be or I should be the first one to know after your husband!”   
  
“You _are!_ ” Lana whines.   
“As I said Bex, it’s complicated.”   
  
“But okay, wait… You’re _having a baby?!_ Oh my god I don’t even know what to _say_ , I’m-” She gets all emotional and tries not to get all teary eyed while the brunette is nervous someone will notice.

“When did this happen?! How far along are you? Tell me _everything_ , I’m so-”   
  
“Sch, Bex, please. You have to keep it down..! As I said, you’re the only one here who knows in here.”   
  
“Sorry… Now tell me.”   
  
“You’re so eager..! Thirteenth week tomorrow…”

 

“ _Thirteen, are you kidding?!_ ” … and she’s yelling again.

 

“ _BEX!!_ ”

She grabs the other woman’s arm and looks around to make sure no one heard and lowers her voice,

“We can talk about this later, okay?”

 

Bex nods and drinks the rest of the champagne in her glass,

“God I’m _SO excited!!_ You better get me drunk so that I forget about this or I’ll talk about it all evening..!”

 

“I told you to take mine.”

 

“Fine!” She practically as much as rips it out of her hand and spins around as Josh comes up to greet her. Lana sees her chance and escapes her company. Where’s Jen? She hasn’t seen her all night.

 

Just as she’s having the thought, Jen steps in through the door and Lana’s jaw drops. Her wavy, hair is moving along her shoulders as she walks and she’s dressed all in white. Her eyes meet green across the room and Jen offers her a faint smile before approaching her casually.

 

“Wow, you look… wow.” Brown orbs wander down the bright figure in front of her and all the way up again to spot two reddened cheeks.

 

“Thank you… You look just as great..!” The blonde says quietly as if the compliment wasn’t fitting for just a friend. Lana smiles and reaches out to gently take her hand but pulls it back just as quickly when she realizes they’re in the middle of a crowd. Jen notices and though she wants more than anything else to take it back, she knows she can’t.

 

“Come on, let’s get some alcohol free drinks by Ginny’s own little bar since we’re both driving.” Without grabbing Jen’s hand as she so dearly wants, Lana heads towards the ‘drink table’ as her pixie haired friend apparently calls it. Ginny is frantically delivering drinks to all the guests, making sure everyone’s having a good time.   
  
“Hey, Gin. Will you make two drinks without the main ingredient, please?”

 

“Without the m- Oh no way, you girls look like you could need something relaxing!” The shorter woman exclaims and starts pouring gin into a glass before she grabs the tonic.   
  
“No, no Ginny, we’re driving!” Lana desperately explains.

 

“Josh will drive you home, he’s driving me, cuz I ain’t missing out on this party!” She says and pours a shot down her throat. Lana sighs, lacking the nerves to try to convince Ginny otherwise.

 

“Honey, just do as I say and pour us a couple alcohol-free mojitos.” Both Jen and Ginny react to her lower voice and sudden mood change.

 

“... Someone really wants to drive..!” Ginny throws her hands up in defeat and the brunette in front of her just rolls her eyes. As she walks over to make the drinks, Jen pulls Lana slightly aside, keeps holding her arm.

 

“Hey… Are you okay?” She asks gently. The brunette instantly regrets that she had let her hormones affect her to the point that they noticed.

 

“ Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” She quickly answers and brings a strand of hair to behind her ear.

 

“You don’t seem all fine, what’s on your mind..?” Brown eyes lock with green and just like that she feels guilty again. She want’s nothing less than to have to lie to her again.

 

“I’m just a little tired, that’s all. I agreed to come here right at the last minute because I knew Bex would’ve wanted me to be here…”

Ginny comes up with two mojito glasses, pimped with a lime and a mint leaf on top. They thank her quickly before going back to the conversation.

 

“We can leave soon if you want to? I’m sure Bex would understand, time’s already one AM and this was quite unprepared after all.” Jen shrugs watching Lana consider it as she takes a sip out of her glass. Suddenly her eyes dart down her drink,

 

“It’s alcohol in it.” Her voice is stern, “God damn, _GINNY!!_ Why don’t you _listen?!_ ” She slams the glass on the table and shoves it back over to Ginny who is too drunk by now to really care.

 

“Lana, calm down it’s just one drink..!” The blonde tries and is about to touch her arm again when she’s shying away,

 

“If you’ll excuse me, I need to use the bathroom.” Jen lets her go, she obviously need some space to gather herself. The brunette takes deep breaths on her way to the ladies room. She needs to breathe somewhere less crowded and noisy and the restrooms are rather distant from the big hall where the party is being held. She slams the door open and walks over to the nearest sink to lean onto. She just feels like crying, like breaking down and lock herself in here for the rest of the night, but she obviously won’t do that. She feels how the nausea begins to crawl on her and it’s probably because of unnecessarily stressing around. At least she’s in a restroom. But she’s not alone for long, because a certain blonde she knows comes carefully sneaking through the door.

 

“... Lana?”

 

“I’m fine, okay? You don’t need to look after me.” She’s still staring down the sink, hands firmly clutched to its sides. Jen slowly approaches her and lies a tender hand on Lana’s back, and another on her arm.

 

“I’m not, I just wanted to ask you if you want to go home because in that case, I can go with you…”

 

“There’s no need to Jen,” she slowly pushes herself away from the porcelain bowl and sets her eyes on the younger woman. “I have my own car.”

 

“I know but…” her gaze trails off, unwelcome shyness settles in, “I thought I could keep you company back at the trailer camp.” Lana tilts her head, touched by her generosity but shakes it soon thereafter.

 

“You shouldn’t.” She simply states.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Becau-” Suddenly nausea hits like it usually does in the morning, not nights like this and she has to stop herself from talking to not throw up. Jen grabs her again, worry shining through her attempt to look serious.

 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” This is where Lana thought she could open her mouth again to answer the usual ‘nothing’, but instead she has to turn around in panic and throw herself over a toilet chair. Shame floods her body as she throws up, but Jen is quick to kneel down beside her and try to gather as much hair as she possibly can hold up for her. “It’s okay.” She quietly reassures her and rubs her back lightly even though the brunette hates it, because she knows she doesn’t, not really.

 

“You could’ve told us you were sick, then I’m sure they wouldn’t have forced you to go. We do rather avoid catching the stomach flu..!.”

**Author's Note:**

> How do you like it so far? Please leave a review and let me know what you thought of the chapter!  
> Thank you for reading! Mwah!


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